Are You Freaking Kidding Me, Rory Gilmore?

If you need a place to vent about the Gilmore Girls revival on Netflix (THAT ENDING!!!) – this mom’s got you covered, and it’s hilarious!!

 

Are You Freaking Kidding Me, Rory Gilmore?

SPOILER ALERT: If you have not seen the Gilmore Girls revival yet, do not, I REPEAT, DO NOT read this post.

Consider yourself warned.

 

gilmoregirls_winter
Courtesy of Netflix

 

Are they gone?

Okay.

HOLEEEEYYYY SH**!!!

No.

These were my exact words when the last THREE not four words were uttered:

NOOOOOOOOOO ARE YOU !$#%@* KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!

I felt dazed, confused, angry, sad, emotionally unstable, nausea, upset, overwhelmed, did I mention nausea?

I didn’t at all get a feeling of resolution and nowhere in the past three days have I felt like, “gee, that ending was exactly what I had in mind for my girls. Yep, it is well with my soul.” 

NO IT IS NOT.

I need closure from the closure. I need a revival from the revival. I need help.

Seriously, I really do. 

We had friends coming in town literally one hour after I finished it and I felt like I might not be able to pull myself together in enough time.

I did, by the way. I know you were concerned.

So the next morning, I woke extra early, made some coffee, poured it into my Luke’s Diner mug and began to write notes in my phone.

I know I need professional help but I am not Emily Gilmore and I can’t afford it.

Therefore, you are my help, my proverbial “couch” to lay on and spit out a list of what I felt all through each season.

I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT, OKAY?

If you don’t like the Gilmore Girls, I published a post about Dollar Tree Christmas tree ornaments today as well.

Go ahead and make your ornaments while we sit and have a GG inspired bitch session.

 

Courtesy of Netflix
Courtesy of Netflix

*these are in no random order because that is how my mind works. Welcome to my hell. 

45 Thoughts About Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life

1- Kirk stole the show.

2- Miss Patty looked better overweight.

3- I didn’t get enough Babette time.

4- April is an annoying 22-year-old. Although, she was an annoying 14-year-old so nothing new there.

5- The majority of them look exactly the same! Kirk looks better. Taylor looks the same but he looked old in 2000 so….

6- I am in love with Emily this time around.

7- Logan is still kind of an ass.

8- The ending. THE ENDING.

9- I cried. Like, a lot.

10- The musical number was a time filler. Sorry, not interested. Would have rather seen Jess impregnate Rory. WHAT?

11- Speaking of musical numbers, that whole acid trip Rory and those awful boys (I know who they are, I won’t name them) were on? A waste of good Beatles music.

12- Have I mentioned the ending?

13- Rory writing the book? That was my all time favorite part of the whole thing. And who pitched it? JESS OF COURSE. He knows her soul. Again, crying.

14- Now I want to read the book. Or did I?? Stop messing with my mind Amy Sherman Palladino!

15- The ending was a little Roseann-ish / Newhart-esque. Where are my 80s’ and 90’s people? Don’t you think?

16- Sookie got five friggin’ minutes.

17- But their dialogue was so real. Like life REAL. Re-watch it to see what I mean. Cried there too.

Courtesy of Netflix
Courtesy of Netflix

18- I love Sookie but I only see Megan from Bridesmaids now and her Sookie voice is totally different.

19- I cried a lot. Like snot running down my face, blotchy red spots all over my upper regions CRIED.

20- It made me want to watch the series all over again. For the 200th time.

21- It made me miss the show all over again.

22- It made me want more. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE ENDING??

23- When Rory goes to Emily’s house to write and sees Richard? SOBBING AND BLOTCHY.

24- I miss Richard.

25- Did I mention crying?

26- Those weren’t four words.

27- Gypsy was Emily’s maid. Duh.

28- What was with Rory just popping up all the time. Were we in suspended animation as she made her eight-hour flight from London to Hartford?

29- Lorelai looks old and I mean that in the best possible way. She has aged and I love that. They didn’t make her look really young and I was afraid that would happen. She looked age appropriate.

30- Logan is too skinny.

31- And still an ass.

32- Dean got less time than Sookie but it was spent talking about his second wife and his children with lice. Being an adult sucks, doesn’t it Dean Forester?

33- Caesar’s hair looks like a bad Peter Brady 70’s perm.

34- Michel looks exactly the same; maybe he was in suspended animation too.

35- “This isn’t an office, it’s a diner. Go home” should have been the last four words. Or nine. Whatever.

36- Hep Alien squeezed in at a weird moment kind of sucked. The only way it would have been more weird is if they played in the background while Jess impregnated Rory. Nope, it was still weirder.

37- Zach. Dude, you kind of look like sh*t.

Courtesy of Netflix
Courtesy of Netflix

38- I needed less cowbell  tambourine and more Mrs. Kim.

39- Brian proves that nerds don’t age so get yourself a nerd. Stat.

40- “It’s in an envelope labeled body shipping cash” is my favorite line.

41- I never thought Emily Gilmore would give me my favorite line.

42- Dolly Parton singing “Here You Come Again” proved that GG is my soul mate.

43-That Naomi Shropshire chick was a waste of all of our time. WHY DID I SEE HER MORE THAN MRS. KIM? OR BABETTE????

44- The letter Emily received on her birthday? What the actual hell Amy and Daniel Palladino? Why did we need a Naomi Shropshire wasting our time when the letter is just dangling??

45- Speaking of dangling, THE ENDING???

It was exactly how I hoped it would be. I was a little worried that we were building it up too much but it was perfect. It felt like we never left and now I want more.

How are all of you coping?

WHAT? IT’S A THING, OKAY???

****

This post originally appeared at Kari Wagner Hoban’s blog, A Grace Full Life. Check her out and follow her on Facebook, too!

Kari Wagner Hoban
Kari Wagner Hoban is a writer, wife, and mom of two girls living in Chicagoland and blogging in short sentences at A Grace Full Life. She is an official Chicago Parent blogger and Listen to Your Mother cast member alum. Can't get enough Kari? You can also find her on Facebook and Twitter.

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