Blindsided By Grief, Even 5 Years Later

It’s sudden and surprising. As I drive around the winding road, it catches me off guard. My thoughts stray from my normal; family, children, laundry, husband. When it hits me, the wind is knocked out of me. I cannot breathe.

The memories come flooding back. His wispy hair. His sparkling eyes. His laugh. The tears fill my eyes as I remember the five-forever years it’s been. The five-years we had. The lifetime of memories buried deep within me.

Sometimes the sacred parts of my heart are shared. Sometimes it’s more than I can bear. And I don’t want to face it. I don’t want to go there. I don’t want to share the memories or his sweet smile. I don’t want to hear the laughter, because it hurts so much. And it’s difficult to talk about him. It’s difficult to share these deepest parts of grief. This deep five-year grief is somehow sacred. It’s bringing parts of me to surface that I thought I’d buried good. Days are long and dark and sometimes difficult to function normal. But years. The years have gone by in the blink of an eye. Somewhere in these five years I’ve learned this grief dance well. The circle of longing and pain and surrender and joy.


Tiffany Nardoni
Tiffany Nardoni
Tiffany Nardoni is a wife, homeschool mom and writer. She and her husband, Jeff, are raising a family in the       midwest, seeking a quiet life and learning to love others well. Her book, Still, a memoir about the life of her son Thao and learning to live past his death, is available now for pre-order on her blog, tiffanynardoni.com.

Related Posts

Comments

Recent Stories