The Case For Putting My Husband Before My Kids

This wife and mom says in marriage it should be “husband first”—and she’s not even a little bit sorry.

Marriage does not demand perfection, but it must be given priority. H. Norman

“He is such a slob.”

“Why can’t he think of me for once?”

“If he changes the channel one more time I’m going to scream!”

If you’ve been married for more than a day and a half you’ve probably had some annoying thoughts bounce around your head. It’s common. But, is thinking negatively where your mind camps? Is this the warm dwelling place you’ve invited negativity to hang out every day?

When we allow our mind to replay hurts and every tiny indiscretion, we create a dwelling place of discouragement for our hearts to live in. Being married isn’t easy. I don’t care who you are. Here’s a tip: if you ever meet someone who tells you, “Our marriage is perfect.” Run. They’re lying.

No one leaves the altar for their honeymoon thinking, Yeah, I’ve got this. And if they do, they’re quickly schooled that they don’t. Take it from someone who has been divorced. I know just how fast those little irritations magically become divorce papers. But, here’s some good news I’d like to share with you. I didn’t understand it years ago and it begins with a question: What are you dwelling on?

When you think about your husband, what are the first thoughts that come to mind? Close your eyes and take a moment. I’ll wait….

What is your mind’s dwelling place? Where are your thoughts most comfortable camping out? Have you decorated your head with discouragement and wrong thinking about your husband?

God’s word reminds me how I should be thinking about Paul.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8-9 NIV

The Greek word for think about such things is logizomai. It’s a verb that means to reckon, purpose, to account, to weigh, to practice, and my favorite to dwell.

Tell me. What thoughts are rattling around in that pretty little head of yours? If they’re less than encouraging—be intentional. Each thought about your husband is a seed you plant for future harvest.

The more selective you are with seeds, the more delighted you will be with the crop. Max Lucado

Where have you staked out your farmland to plant those seeds? Where are your thoughts camping out today? Why don’t you try living in the land of encouraging truth about your husband? Here’s a few of mine.

Paul loves me.

He loves our children.

He supports my ideas and goals.

He works very hard to keep a roof over our heads.

If you’re an overachiever, why don’t you make these thoughts specific? Here’s my example:

He puts out my vitamins on the bathroom sink every morning and every night.

He pays our bills and doesn’t complain about it.

He tells me I’m beautiful.

He holds my hand in the car.

Philippians 4:8-9 is truth serum to a hurting relationship. Like I said, no marriage is perfect. I could just as easily have made a list about my husband’s shortcomings and he could do the same about me.

But, I choose not to.

I could just as easily let him fend for himself and focus 100% of my attentions on our children—their needs are real and when they’re small, they cannot meet them on their own.

But, I choose not to.

Because the truth is, the BEST thing I can do for my children is to put their dad FIRST, and make our marriage a priority.

This means focusing on the positives he brings to our lives and letting go of the small, annoying, every day stuff. It means considering his needs less than I do my own.

If you need a daily reminder of Philippians 4:8-9, write it down on a yellow sticky note and put it on your bathroom mirror. I’ve done that before.

Whatever fills our minds will come out in our actions and decisions.  – Michael Yousoff

Would you like to make a difference for the kingdom of God today? Love your husband. Take your thoughts captive and abide in Philippians 4:8-9- a stone fortress of truth. Whatever is positively true about your man—make that your mind’s dwelling place and live there.

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Wanna learn more about how being a “mean mom” can make you the BEST mom you can be? Check out Joanne’s book The Mean Mom’s Guide to Raising Great Kids.

Joanne Kraft
Joanne Kraft is a mom of four and the author of The Mean Mom’s Guide to Raising Great Kids and Just Too Busy—Taking Your Family on a Radical Sabbatical. She’s been a guest on Focus on the Family, Family Life Today and CBN. Joanne and her husband, Paul, recently moved their family from California to Tennessee and happily traded soy milk and arugula for sweet tea and biscuits. Joanne joins her mom-friends over coffee every Saturday morning, sign up and grab your favorite cup—she’d love to have you!

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