I Was Chasing My Toddler to Change a Messy Diaper—Then God Dropped a Bomb About My Messy Heart

My daughter will sit in her own poop forever to avoid a diaper change…just like I’ll sit in my own sin to avoid changing my heart.

Toddler on couch

Lately, my daughter has had quite the aversion to having her diaper changed. I mean…SERIOUS aversion.

Running away from me, hiding behind the couch, screaming like a banshee, laying down on the floor and playing opossum (as if I can’t see her small self writing on the floor), and even trying the very polite approach of, “No thank you, Mama…no thank you.”

Seriously, this girl is NOT A FAN of the diaper change.

So yesterday, as I tried yet again to corral her into her bedroom and onto the changing pad, I literally asked out loud, “Evie-girl, why in the world would you NOT want that yucky, stinky stuff O-U-T…OUT!?!?”

As she cried and attempted to wiggle and jiggle her way off of the table, I tried to reassure her that she’d feel so much better if we just got the “poops out.” Not to mention, she’d no longer smell like a mini landfill.

But nothing was convincing her that a clean diaper would be better than her dirty one.

Not the smell, not the awkward feeling, not the potential diaper rash, not the droop in her trunk…not ANYTHING was proving as a motivator for wanting to get out that STANK.

And as I thought about the reasons for why my little girl would be content to live her life with poop in her pants (if I didn’t lovingly force her onto the changing table), I came up with a short list of possible reasons.

Girl is sometimes just too busy to deal with the poo. She’s got toys to play with, snacks to tear out of the cupboard, shoes and jackets to put on and take off and put on again, crayons to break and eat, and a hair clip to repeatedly take out and throw on the floor in some obscure, hard-to-find place.

Girl is sometimes just too tired to address the mess. Sometimes, especially right before nap time, I’ll find her laying on the couch with a soft “bankie,” lounging like it’s her job. With paci in mouth and eyes drooping, she doesn’t have the energy to get off the couch and take care of the poo.

Girl is sometimes just too scared of the pain to face the yuck. Since little girl is coming off of a week-long bout with the runs, I have found that she is quick to remember the pain that was involved with her irritated skin and the terrible diaper rash. “Ouch, Mama…ouch!” The wipes burned and the cream was invasive. In her mind, the cleaning felt worse than the poo itself.

Girl is sometimes too worried about being inconvenienced to fix the funk. This is often the case when the poo happens during Elmo, lunch time (especially when cheese is present), or Play-Doh time. She doesn’t want to walk away and stop what she’s doing (not necessarily because she’s busy) but simply because she is doing what she wants to do. Taking care of the poo doesn’t ever feel more important than her red-haired friend with the bulging eyes…EVER.

Girl is sometimes too unable to sit still to right the gross. This little girl is a mover and a shaker, a singer and a dancer, a GO’er and a DO’er. Laying still and having mama take care of her poo is certainly not fun and exciting, and it’s most-definitely confining.

Girl is sometimes too okay with the poo. Unable to put aside her agenda, her toys, and her time, little girl has decided (on some level) that though the poop is “tinky,” she is okay with doing nothing about it. Rather than addressing the nasty, she’d rather ignore it or even (dare I say)…accept it.

And as I thought through these reasons for why my girl would choose to dodge the diaper change, it made a WHOLE LOT’A sense as to why she might choose to sit in the smell rather than deal with the smell.

So why did it make scents sense to me?

Because I can relate…well, kind of.

Sure, I may not literally mess my pants and choose to sit in it, but I do believe that I figuratively sit in some other messes…some other yuck…some other sins–absolutely content to do nothing about it.

Let me explain.

I see that pride and yet… I’m too busy doing life–acquiring my things, finishing my lists, cooking my meals, having my friends, sippin’ my Starbucks, and building my little earthly kingdom.

I smell that unforgiving spirit and yet…I’m too tired to confess it, confront it, and correct it.

I hear that selfishness and yet…I’m too afraid of the pain it will cause when I give it up and let it go…when I give in and choose an attitude of servitude.

I feel that conviction–that tugging of my heart and soul–and yet…I’m too unable to be inconvenienced with those gentle whispers and those pressing needs because life is busy and time is short.

I experience that distracted mind and overwhelmed heart and yet…I’m too unable to sit still and do something different. I’m too unwilling to sit and be because I’d rather go and do. Sitting still requires space, and time, and a willingness to look the yuck square in the face.

I see, smell, hear, feel, and experience that _______and yet…I’m too okay with its stink, its mess, and its yuck.

It makes perfect sense.

And just like my little girl who has a mama who is willing to help her take care of her yucky stink, a mama who is willing to enter into her mess and help her, a mama who has the power to eliminate the odor and lessen the load, and a mama who is openly inviting her into an opportunity to clean up her yuck…

I, too, have a heavenly Father who is willing to do the same with me.

Oh, how willing He is to help me with my sin and my hard…

IF ONLY I was willing to put down my busy and come into His presence;

IF ONLY I was willing to acknowledge my inability and tap into His power;

IF ONLY I was willing to trust Him with the pain and rest in His process;

IF ONLY I was willing to let go of my convenience and follow His plan;

IF ONLY I was willing to slow my soul and embrace His peace;

IF ONLY I was less okay with my yuck and more okay with His preeminence.

But just like my daughter, I (too) have the tendency to ignore, deny, reject, shove, and suppress the Father’s invitation to me…content and comfortable with the smell of sin because I’m “too _______” to deal with it.

In short, I (too) can become “okie dokie” with living life with my pants full of poop.

So here’s what I’ve committed to do every time my daughter runs…

I’ve committed to take a quick moment (as a daughter who also likes to run from the diaper change) and ask the Lord to not only reveal my yuck, but to also give me a desire to confess it, confront it, and correct it.

Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy. Proverbs 28:13

I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,” and you forgave the iniquity of my sin. Psalm 32:5

Jessica Buczek
A former English teacher, a licensed counselor, and a forever teammate with her husband of seven years, Jessica Buczek resides in Dayton, Ohio with her three-year-old son and her one-year-old daughter. Following Jesus, drinking coffee, taking sanity walks, consuming books, devouring Doritos, and capturing family memories through the written word are just a few of her favorite things. She would love for you to visit her at her blog Uploading Memories, Downloading Grace.

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