The Lesson Christina Grimmie Taught Me 5 Hours Before Her Death

5 hours before her death, a Christina Grimmie song rocked me to the core. I had no idea it was her last day on earth.

Yesterday I wrote.

My writing desk sits in a bay window overlooking my backyard. I find inspiration gazing out at potted annuals showing off their colors under the glowing sun, hummingbirds getting refreshing drinks in our landscape waterfall, and plush green trees reaching towards blue skies.

“I bet you don’t curse God when the doctor calls with a stern voice and the test results and he asks you to come in right away”

Yesterday these words…

softly cascaded through my speakers; the message subliminally ruminating in my mind space. Spotify filled the room for hours, but this particular song took its turn late in the day with profound timing while I finished up an article on kindness.

The lyrics were a serendipitous backdrop to an essay focused on the power of the tongue and our ability to love and destroy with the same mouth – sometimes cursing the same God we praise.

“I bet you don’t curse God when your child is gone and he ain’t picking up the phone, and it’s 2am on a Saturday in July”

Yesterday this line…

made my stomach drop just like every other time I listen to this song. I have three kids out of the nest and I panic, hard, when they don’t pick up after a long drive, let alone 2 am. Cell phones are an anxiety category all its own for mothers.

Yesterday the wisdom…

of the young artist moved me. I’ve heard her sing the words countless times before, but this time the meaning sunk a little deeper. God used her passion to press the point of our broken tendency to approach him with a forked tongue.

Yesterday, June 10, 2016 at 5:30 pm…

a twenty-two year-old girl singing a prophetic truth inspired my forty-six year-old heart.

christina grimmie

Yesterday, June 10, 2016 at 10:30 pm…

this same young girl with an entire lifetime in front of her, after sharing her God-given talent with her fans, was shot and killed by an evil coward.

Today I am heartbroken.

Today I am angry.

Today I am reeling.

When my daughter told me Christina Grimmie was shot and killed while signing autographs last night my stomach curled and chills swarmed across every inch of my body. When she told me Christina’s brother tackled the gunman to the ground and that the perpetrator proceeded to take his own life, my insides clenched.

Today I ask all over again for the millionth time, why?

“There’s pain, life hurts, there’s a thousand things you think you don’t deserve. I bet you don’t curse God”

Today I mourn this young life and the family who loves her. There are more than a thousand things they don’t deserve. My heart breaks deeper with every, I can’t even imagine how the brother, the parents, the family, the friends. We can all fill in the blanks with countless anxious thoughts and speculations.

Today, I’m sick over the reality of another family having their life yanked out from underneath them by the pull of a trigger in the hands of evil.

Today I steep in the murky waters of senseless shootings once again. In 2012, I had three kids in high school. In February of that year their school stood victim to a horrific school shooting. Three dead, one paralyzed, thousands traumatized.

Today when I pray for the Grimmie family, survivor guilt once again poisons my veins because my kids are still with me.

“There’s pain, life hurts, there’s a thousand things you think you don’t deserve. I bet you don’t curse God”

Her words. Our lesson.

Yesterday profound insight.

No coincidence God used a young girl remembered most for her kindness to speak to me in song while I wrote about that very virtue.

Today her wisdom a haunting reminder.

Forever a gift.

God rest your beautiful soul, Christina Grimmie  @TheRealGrimmie

Your powerful voice, wisdom, and faith will continue to move souls, inspire hearts, and change lives.

To the family, my heart and prayers go out to each and every one of you. Christina’s faith and maturity at such a young age is a testament to your love.

#RIPChristina

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This post originally appeared at ShelbySpear.com

Shelby Spear
Shelby is a Christian mom to three beautiful knuckleheads who have left her with an empty nest in which to ponder what the mom thing has (done to her) meant over the past twenty-two years. You can read her open book of revelations, screw-ups, gaffs, and joys at http://shelbyspear.com

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