I was wearing yoga pants.
And not the cool Lululemon kind of yoga pants, but the ratty grey kind that I had picked up at Target eight years ago before they carried Lululemon knock-offs.
But my friend Megan—her name has been changed lest you all swarm her and try to steal her as a friend—was wearing jeans. Real, buttonable jeans. And a cute shirt. And…wait for it… lipstick.
Now I’m not one to judge but who wears lipstick to preschool drop-off?
Anyway, after Megan and I dropped off our kids, we headed to Whole Foods to have coffee and chat. We sat there sipping our lattes and talking about important things like potty training and Little Gym classes and how to get a toddler to sleep past 5:30 am when Megan’s phone buzzed.
She picked it up and giggled.
“My husband,” she said, blushing.
Five minutes later, it buzzed again. She giggled again.
A half hour later, she looked up at me and said, “Hey, this has been fun, but I… uh… gotta go.” Then she held up her phone and showed me a text message from her husband.
It said “NOONER?” (In all caps.)
My mouth dropped open. A nooner? On a school day? How risqué. How totally unlike anything I had ever done. How… awesome.
Now I’m not trying to imply that my married-with-kids isn’t risqué and romantic and awesome… but, well, if I’m being honest, it’s not. And can you blame me? I have three kids under eight, a job, a mortgage and a golden retriever who sheds what seems like an entire dog’s worth of fur onto my floor every day. I’m exhausted and droopy and cranky and there are times that it’s easier to just throw on a pair of yoga pants and frump the night away.
But that morning at Whole Foods I saw something different.
Because Megan in all of her lipstick-wearing, nooner-having glory also has three kids. And a mortgage. And a energy-sucking, exhaustion-causing schedule that looks very similar to mine. Yet she still manages to do crazy hot mama things like wear jeans and have sex with her husband. A lot.
Which begs the question: What do I want from my marriage? A ho-hum relationship that is only fulfilling when the stars align and my kids happen to sleep through the night? Or do I want something more from my every day life?
My answer is (of course) a resounding more, more, more!
But when push comes to its-an-hour-past-bedtime-and-no-you-may-not-have-another-glass-of-water, it’s hard for me to be civil, much less sexy. And sometimes getting the kids out the door in the morning is enough to throw me over the edge. Forget about the jeans. Or the lipstick.
I want to be like Megan, but I end up being the complete opposite.
Frumpy. Boring. Ho-hum.
How can I be a hot mama when my life is so busy, and my kids are so needy, and my budget is so stingy, and my boobs are so saggy? Is it possible to be hot and a mama at the same time?
I wanted to know the answer to that question so bad, I grabbed a friend (co-author Kathi Lipp) and wrote a book about it: T Hot Mama: 12 Secrets to a Sizzling Hot Marriage (Baker Publishing, 2015). You guys, we learned SOO MUCH, we also wrote three companion “Hot Mama Guide” e-books.
We rallied our troops—hundreds of hot mamas across America who have kids and mortgages and crazy soccer schedules but still want marriages that are red hot and asked them the tough questions. About romance. About marriage. About sex. And we compiled all of their stories and advice into our books, hoping to start a Hot Mama revolution. An uprising of sorts. We want our kids and our hot marriages, too.
Let me tell you: We got an earful from our hot mama friends.
One of our friends shared a red hot dice game that she plays with her husband after the kids go to bed. (Read more about it in our e-Book ’10 Ideas to Inspire Red Hot Sex.’)
Another took her husband midnight cross-country skiing, which inspired us to do sporty-romantic things like go on moonlight hikes and sunset swims. (From ’10 Hot Date Night Ideas for Married Couples’)
We heard suggestions ranging from how to overhaul your underwear drawer (read: holes are bad,) to find the perfect pair of jeans (apparently in this case, holes can be good,) to how to pick the perfect sexy-yet-comfortable bra. Which for the record has both underwire and lace. And perhaps a bit of push-up power to boot. (From ‘10 Quick Fashion Fixes to Feel Confident and Sexy.’)
We learned a lot.
And we (ahem) put our newfound knowledge into practice. A lot. There are still days when our sweatpants feel crusty before we find the time to change and our date nights end in a 9:23 bedtime, there have also been plenty of red hot nights. Laughter-filled days. And even a few stolen kisses behind the pantry door while our kids eat their Cheerios.
We’re learning. To be intentional about sex. To take our relationship seriously. To put each other before all of the crazy, busy, suck-up-your-energy and time stuff that is thrown at us as parents.
This year, we want to ask all of the hot mamas (and wannabe hot mamas) across the country to join us as we heat up our marriages. It won’t be easy—there will be nights when the last thing you want to do is slip into something red hot. But it will be worth it.
We would like to invite you to spend 2015 on a hot mama mission—to make your marriage sizzling hot and your husband the luckiest man in America. Let’s make 2015 more flirty, more fun, more romantic and more… hot.
Our new mantra is “friends don’t let friends wear granny panties“.
And a hot mama doesn’t let her mommy friends have a ho-hum sex life.