2017 didn’t quite go as planned for country music icon, Carrie Underwood.
The country superstar had only two things on the agenda: write new music and have a baby.
But as she revealed in an exclusive interview with CBS News this week, God had other plans for her growing family with husband, Mike Fisher.
Loss After Loss
Underwood explained that going into 2017, she and Fisher got pregnant early on, and it “didn’t work out.”
Choking back tears she continues to explain that in the Spring of 2017, they got pregnant again and that “didn’t work out.” And then a third time a early in 2018, yet another pregnancy that “didn’t work out.”
“God, we know that this just isn’t your timing,” she recalls praying, “that is alright, we’ll bounce back and figure our way through it.”
An emotional Carrie Underwood reveals that it was during these miscarriages when she conjured up the words that now fill her new album. More specifically the song, “Cry Pretty,” which, very fittingly happens to be the title track.
Throughout the whole process of suffering loss after loss, she was working.
“Right after finding out that I would lose a baby, I’d have a writing session and be like, ‘let’s go…I can’t just sit around thinking about this.’”
“I would literally have these horrible things going on in my life, and then have to go smile or do some interviews or like, do a photo shoot or something. So it was just kind of like, therapeutic,” the 35-year-old says of overcoming the emotional rollercoaster of this past year.
But as therapeutic as distractions can be, the reality is still there when it’s all said and done. And those were the parts that were excruciating.
Getting Real Before God
“I was always afraid to be angry,” Underwood says about her relationship with God during this incredibly difficult season. “Because we were so blessed.”
Gushing over her “amazing” two-year-old son Isaiah, the singer says she would be perfectly fine if they could never have any more children.
Still, the mother in her wanted more.
“I have an incredible husband, incredible friends, an incredible job, an incredible kid…can I be mad? No,” she says. “But I got mad.”
One night after suffering what she thought to be another miscarriage, Underwood says she prayed like never before.
Snuggled up to her sleeping son for comfort while her husband was away, the singer says she was sobbing, and crying out for the Lord’s kindness and mercy.
“Why Lord do I keep getting pregnant if I can’t have a kid? Like what is this? Shut the door…do something…either shut the door or let me have a kid.”
She says she realized that was the first time she had actually told God how she felt.
Like many of us do, the singer had tried for so long to hide the turmoil from God because she felt like she had no right to feel the way she did. But the Lord knows our hearts, and He knows our struggles. Sometimes all He wants is for us to bring those to Him.
“I feel like we’re supposed to do that,” she explains.
Just a few days later she went to the doctor to confirm the miscarriage, only to find out that everything was perfectly fine. God had opened the door.
“He heard me,” she says through tears. “Not that He hadn’t heard me in the past but…He heard me.”
Underwood says there’s several songs on the album — which hit stores and music downloading platforms last Friday — that she connects with in a totally different way, because they came out of those painful experiences.
“They were hard, and it sucked so much,” she says of the trials that she and Fisher have been through in the last year.
“But, things are looking better,” Underwood chuckles as she looks down at her pregnant belly.
Check out Carrie Underwood’s new album, “Cry Pretty,” available now wherever you download music.