*please note the references to profanity are quotes from Taylor Swift and are important as often victims are ashamed to repeat these things they are told not to say. As was the case with me.
Taylor Swift is not backing down. In a recent and twisted court room drama where she is being sued for getting a guy fired for reporting that he groped her, (the nerve right,) she counter sued him because… he groped her. You can read about here.
His story has changed.
And there are pictures to prove her story.
There were no pictures to prove my story.
My story “allegedly” happened. No one ever got in trouble. I had no proof, and I questioned the validity of it every day… until now. Dear daddy, please don’t read this.
My story was 80% verbal assault that went on Monday through Friday. First period, home room, Pre-Algebra. I was failing. I was horrible at math. Seriously. But these circumstances didn’t help.
The boy-monster in question was a star ball player. He smelled like armpit, cheese food, Polo cologne, and morning breath. He sat behind me. He would lean forward while the teacher was going over the assignment and “allegedly” say the most filthy things, to this day I have ever heard in my entire life.
When I went to the teacher to complain she would insist I tell her SPECIFICALLY what he said and when I could not, she dismissed me. Once after I attempted to tattle on him, I left red faced and humiliated, completely unable to utter the words he had said to me. The teacher and word rapist stood chattering about the game over the weekend, and she said, “I think she just has a crush on you but doesn’t everybody?!?!” and they both laughed.
I asked to be moved.
She said no.
He would put his hand or foot under my bottom, unhook my bra, and whisper disgusting suggestions in my ear. To further my captivity to his abuse, he tightened his grip by insinuating he could smell when I was on my period or whether I had showered. Before I sat down, he would put his hand on my seat and then whisper things to me throughout class about his discoveries. This issue is paramount as I was so mortified I didn’t have the voice I felt I needed to 1. Express myself and 2. Further expose myself. Classic behavior of a predator.
On one occasion I got up the nerve, and after class, I walked up to the teacher and said, “He did it again!” He stood with a smirk on his face. “He said he wanted to &*$# me and $#^% my#$%^.” And he said, “OH MY GOSH! I WOULD NEVER SAY SUCH A THING! I JUST GOT BAPTISED!”
And she sent me to the office.
I allegedly lied.
This is how I spent my junior year — allegedly abused. Humiliated, degraded, questioning my sanity, my right to privacy, worth, dignity, and value as compared to a line backer.
What Taylor Swift is doing that is FANTASTIC — calling an A** an A**. That is her hiney. It is no small thing, well, it is she is like a size two, but that isn’t the point. She could have easily convinced herself boys will be boys. She could have talked herself into a corner, “maybe it was an accident,” or “don’t make a scene.” But instead, she cried “WOLF!!!!” And she meant it. Despite badgering and guilting from the defendant’s lawyer, she refuses to feel guilty about being assaulted.
“I am not going to allow your my client to make me feel like it is anyway my fault because it isn’t, she said. “I’m being blamed for the unfortunate events of his life that are a product of his decisions. Not mine.”
And we have to do this. We have to tell our girls to speak up. And frankly, our boys too. She is being bold because “allegedly” doesn’t protect our precious babies’ bodies from these types of assaults. I don’t normally write about this type of thing, but I think it is important. I love her ferociousness. I love that even though it is hard, and yes, there are tears, she is taking it to the mat and not letting a bully get away with grabbing her. Which he did to belittle her, no matter what he says.
Make no mistake—let your sons and daughters know there is no “allegedly” when it comes to their comfort or peace of mind. My scenario should have been as simple as “NO, you listen up you crazy Algebra tart, you will move me to a different location in this classroom where I can attempt to solve for X, albeit unsuccessfully, without being verbally assaulted on a daily basis, or I will sue you and this district from whence you impart…mmmmk?” Under no circumstances should I have had to repeat what I was visibly shaken by and reporting to a female teacher as “disturbing sexual remarks.” What was a 16-year-old girl to say to this woman?
Unfortunately, we cannot always be certain the scenarios where our children can find a safe haven to report abuse so we must equip them for some of the most outlandish things known to man. Certainly Taylor Swift never imagined she would be sued for getting groped.
Let our children never grow weary of speaking up for themselves! Go get em Taylor!
May your floors be sticky and your calling ordained. Love, Jami