Hey babe. I thought it only common decency for me to give you a few pointers about dealing with three kids solo while I’m away. I know I don’t travel often, but I still can’t help but feeling guilty about leaving you in the single-parent lurch for a few days.
My first piece of advice: GOOD FREAKING LUCK. You’re a man, so you know very little about parenting. Your natural parenting instincts are stunted at best. The testosterone that, through NO fault of your own, courses through your body renders you clueless and just plain unobservant. Therefore, even though you’ve been parenting for almost 13 years, you’re still going to need me to spell out WHAT TO DO with these kids for three days while I’m gone. And even then, even though I’m going to write it out for you like you’re a kindergartener, you’re probably still going to fail.
(At this point, hubby, the Moms of the Internet are cheering me on as I write to you. THEY GET IT. They get that moms know it all and dads are helpless buffoons when left home alone on kid duty without us. It’s just part of the cross we bear as moms, dealing with your ineptness when we want some time away. I am sure my fellow mamas are really enjoying this letter, although a feel perhaps wish I was dropping a few more F-bombs.)
Unfortunately for them, this is where I change my tune.
Husband of mine, this is not going to be one of those viral Facebook letters that worn-out, fed-up moms write their husbands before they head out the door on a much-deserved girls weekend or a mid-week work trip. Because the truth is, you do NOT need my help or advice to be on your own with the kids for 3 days, or even a week. The truth is that you are an AMAZING parent.
And so are most dads. Husband, I’m so very sorry that popular opinion often depicts you as nothing more than an extra child for moms to take care of.
The truth is, as long as you feed the kids and get them where they need to go, you’re all good. And the truth is, while I’m away, the kids will have a TON of fun with you—undoubtedly more fun than they have with me on a regular basis. The truth is, when I talk to my co-workers about this trip, and they ask, “How will Bobby do with the kids while you’re gone?” I say, “He’ll do great. He’s a better mom than I am.”
The truth is, when I’m away and you’re home with the kids, they are NOT getting second-best.
While I am gone, you will make the most of your days off work and dive into parenting. You won’t let it make you weary like I do. You’ll think up special things to do with the kids and they’ll soak up the extra time with you. And chances are, if you do something that’s “not like Mommy does it,” they’ll see that there’s more than one way to solve a problem—and that variety just might be the spice of life.
So babe, as I head out the door with my suitcases, I won’t lie—I’m a teeeeensy bit excited about a couple days of solitude, but I’m also a teeeeensy bit jealous of all the fun I know you’re going to have with the kids. I’m jealous at the way you are so relaxed, carefree, and confident with them.
But mostly, I’m thankful. THANKFUL that you’re such an amazing baby daddy, and that you’re mine. That our kids get YOU. We all totally hit the jackpot.
So, to the chagrin of the Moms of the Internet, I’m not going to wish you “Good f***ing luck” as I head off to the airport.
Because, darling? You don’t need it. You got this, and you’re going to have a blast.
But you already know that.