Dear Santa,
I don’t want a lot for Christmas this year, just a couple of things. They would make my life so much easier. You’ll see when you get here, exactly what I mean.
I want a toilet seat that magically absorbs pee. Or a whole bathroom, rather, that will clean itself after each use. And while you’re working on the bathroom, maybe install some sort of device that will replace the toilet paper too. Right side up, of course. Oh, and put a dispenser on it that will lock up after a few sheets are pulled. Then I won’t have to plunge after my sweet child uses nearly an entire roll each time he poops. Or maybe you could just build an outhouse in our backyard. That might work too.