Naked Pics Before a First Kiss: The Sexual Pressure Our Girls Are Dealing With Every Day

“How do you know a guy likes you?” a survey question asked an 8th grade girl.

“He still wants to talk to you after you give him oral sex,” she replied.

Parents, if that doesn’t stop you in your tracks, I honestly don’t know what will. Well, maybe this will. Another girl in the survey reported this interaction with her boyfriend:  “If you give me oral sex I’ll give you a kiss.”

Unfortunately, the results of a survey, commissioned in Australia by Plan Australia and Our Watch and containing responses from over 600 girls ages 15-19 from all over Australia, only get worse from there.

Girls report that online sexual bullying is rampant, that requests of nude photos from boyfriends is the norm, and that they are obliged to get sex acts “out of the way” first before boyfriends will do normal date activities with them like watching a movie.

And the culprit for the massive changes in the way teens relate to each other now vs. when you and I were growing up? Online porn and smart phones.

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Fight the New Drug reports that girls are being demeaned by boys now more than ever because of what they see depicted by the mass amounts of free porn available online:

Girls describe being groped in the school yard, and being routinely sexually harassed at school or on the school bus on the way home. They are saying that boys act like they are entitled to girls’ bodies, like girls are only there to pleasure them. It is partially true what defenders of porn often say, porn does provide sex education—but not in the way they think. It teaches middle school boys that women and girls are there for his pleasure and that they are always up for sex. To them, “no” just means “persuade me”…Girls are expected to provide sex acts for tokens of affection, and are coached through it by porn-taught boys.

In other words, teen girls seeking traditional affection in relationships—a kiss, hand-holding, a word about their beauty—will only get them if they’re willing to trade their bodies off first.

Think I’m exaggerating? The Plan Australia study also outlines how 81% of girls say they don’t WANT to send naked images of themselves to boys, but that it’s so commonplace, and the pressure so constant, that most of them do it anyway. The boys, in turn, use these images not just for themselves: they share with friends to build up their status and use them to humiliate their girlfriends in case of a breakup.

Another telling quote from the Plan Australia report, called “Don’t send me that pic,” comes from 18-year-old Josie, who says,

“We need some sort of crack down on the violent pornography that is currently accessible to boys and men. This violent pornography should be illegal to make or view in Australia as we clearly have a problem with violence and boys are watching a lot of pornography which can be very violent … This is influencing men’s attitude towards women and what they think is acceptable. Violent pornography is infiltrating Australian relationships.”

Josie’s not wrong. Another recent study called Pornography and the Male Sexual Script found that “Online mainstream pornography overwhelmingly centered on acts of violence and degradation toward women, the sexual behaviors exemplified in pornography skew away from intimacy and tenderness and typify patriarchal constructions of masculinity and femininity.”

When men of any age start viewing pornography, it turns women into mere desire-fulfilling objects to them. When young teen boys start viewing it, it wrecks their future possibilities of having any type of healthy sexual relationship.

And it puts our daughters at MUCH greater risk for sexual assault and objectification.

Moms and dads, it is UP TO US to protect our kids from pornography. We need to protect their future sexual health by putting big time filters on their internet and smart phones, making rules for internet and smart phone use, talking with their friends’ parents about what rules they have set up in THEIR homes, and by taking the time to GO THROUGH THEIR PHONES, TABLETS, and COMPUTERS TO LOOK FOR SIGNS OF RISKY BEHAVIORS.

I know it doesn’t sound fun, having to be THAT parent…but to me it sounds better than finding out your son is treating girls like a piece of meat or your 15-year-old daughter’s naked photo is being passed around the school.

For more information on how to fight the power of porn in your kids’ lives, I really recommend taking some time to explore Fight the New Drug!


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Jenny Rapson
Jenny Rapson is a follower of Christ, a wife and mom of three from Ohio and a freelance writer and editor. You can find her at her blog, Mommin' It Up, or follow her on Twitter.