Like Leroy Jethro Gibbs, I have rules. Rules that I believe make my world more peaceful, my relationships more fulfilling, my marriage stronger, and my day-to-day easier. My number one rule is that while my husband may have faults, the world should never learn about them from me.
I’m not even going to give you an example. Isn’t that how these “love your spouse” posts always start out? The blogger says, “Look, ladies, I know your husband is a pain! Mine is! He does THIS! Here’s how you love him anyway/change him/deal with it…” I’m not going to do that.
Maybe your husband does have serious issues, like the kind that he and/or you need to see a counselor to work out.
Maybe his flaws are minor, silly, inconsequential, but they drive.you.crazy. Folks, if these issues are little like that, my recommendation is to look into your own reaction to them. Is there something in your past or your personality that amplifies a little quirk into a major annoyance? Sometimes dissecting your own reaction to a behavior makes it easier to live with that behavior, or can help you address it with your spouse.
Either way, broadcasting your husband’s faults is rarely the best way to deal with them. And it is certainly not the best way to build a strong marriage.
I’m amazed at how many people are perfectly willing to demean their spouses. I’ve read blog posts by writers I respected talking about how their husbands are lazy, less-than-intelligent, clueless about parenting, etc. And blogs are very public! That’s to say nothing of the slightly (ONLY slightly) less-public trashing I see happening in “closed” mom groups on Facebook, or between a couple of friends. It makes me sad.
One of my responsibilities as a wife is to build up and encourage my husband.
Before I get any “BUT BUT BUT”s flying my way, building me up is one of his jobs, too. That’s why we promised in our wedding vows to honor and respect, comfort and encourage. I feel that if anyone read something I wrote, or heard something I said, and lost even the tiniest bit of respect for my husband, I would have failed to keep those vows.
