I’m sorry that we don’t hug and kiss as much as we used to when you walk through the door. I do miss how I used to get that kiss and hug the second you would get home from work. I know that there are two other little people that may miss you or even need you more than I do, so allowing their little arms to be the first to embrace you when you walk through the door is way more important. I should get in line more often. I promise going forward, I will be third in-line for your gentle hugs and much needed kisses.
I’m sorry I’m always in yoga pants, stained tank tops and it’s completed with a nice and messy up do with my hair. The Summer months do help me feel better and I know you appreciate those cute little sun dresses I’ve been wearing. Now that our kids are actually five and three I can make an hour a day to workout and keep off that baby weight. I promise to run a comb through my hair a little more often and maybe even slap some lipstick or eyeliner on, especially on those date nights we have at home.
I’m sorry that I’m not that affectionate anymore. I know I used to snuggle up to you when we climbed into bed and now we never even go to bed together anymore because your schedule consists of waking a lot earlier than mine. The other night when you said “I can’t wait until the day where we actually go to bed at the same time.” Tears stung my eyes. I’m sorry, I don’t know if that day will ever come because I need that time to decompress. Yes, even from you. After having two kids wanting and needing you every second of the day, the day to day responsibilities, the pure mental exhaustion from having to reason with a three and a five year old and then the serious conversations we must have at night about parenting, come 8pm, I just want some serious drama filled shows or a sappy hallmark movie to ball my eyes out to. With a LARGE glass of wine. I promise to be more aware that as a couple we need to remember that our relationship is very important. I acknowledge and remember that every time you reach for my hand in the car or every compliment you give me on how I look that day (yoga pants, stained tank top and messy up do and all) that is your way of being affectionate and I need to show you some in return no matter how tired I am.
I’m sorry about my lack of patience on a daily basis. We all know who has the patience in this family, it sure as heck isn’t me. Maybe it’s because I’m with the kids more than you I don’t know but whatever the reason is I assure you I’m working on it. “Opposites attract” for sure. We truly balance each other out. When you walk through the door and see me at the end of my patience level, you scoop up the kids and off you go to give me a breather. Yes you even fill up a glass of wine for me at times! If I’m in the middle of cleaning up after dinner and I hear you loosing your patience upstairs during bath time I throw down the dish towel and run to relieve you. The kids don’t deserve to see us so short. We must remember it’s the end of the day and they are tired and moody too, it’s up to us to teach them patience. I will continue to read the self-help and positive parenting books so we can always balance each other out.
Most of all, I’m sorry for doubting myself. For the times when I’ve screamed, “this is never going to work!” Or for the thoughts of “it would just be easier if I did this parenting thing alone because then I wouldn’t be so frustrated with my “third” child. I’m so so sorry. I’ll never have those thoughts again because you see it was never us that I doubted, it was me. I promise, I will never doubt myself again. You are my rock, my world and as always my comfy blanket.
This article originally appeared Momma’s Meals.