There it was, clear as day, two blue lines staring back at me from the small pregnancy test I had just purchased.
I double checked …
One line = not pregnant.
Two lines = pregnant.
Yup, I was definitely pregnant.
My heart was pounding.
My head was spinning.
My stomach was churning.
I was nervous, excited, scared and ecstatic all at the same time.
This was actually happening! After years of dreaming, preparing and anticipating this day, it was finally here. I was going to be a Mother.
Little did I know that in nine short months I would begin the most exhausting, life changing, heart wrenching, but undescribably rewarding journey of my life.
In nine months I would learn the price of motherhood firsthand. I would know exactly what it takes to be a mother. I would gain a whole new understanding of and gratitude for the beautiful woman I call mother.
I would learn about things mothers experience, that we often are unaware occur.
Those things your mother never told you.
1. You made her cry … a lot.
She cried when she found out she was pregnant. She cried as she gave birth to you. She cried when she first held you. She cried with happiness. She cried with fear. She cried with worry. She cried because she feels so deeply for you. She felt your pain and your happiness and she shared it with you, whether you realized it or not.
2. She wanted that last piece of pie.
But when she saw you look at it with those big eyes, and lick your mouth with that tiny tongue, she couldn’t eat it. She knew it would make her much happier to see your little tummy be filled than hers.
3. It hurt.
When you pulled her hair, it hurt; when you grabbed her with those sharp fingernails that were impossible to cut, it hurt; when you bit her while drinking milk, that hurt too. You bruised her ribs when you kicked her from her belly, you stretched her stomach out for nine months, you make her body contract in agonizing pain as you entered this world.
4. She was always afraid.
From the moment you were conceived she did all in her power to protect you. She became your mama bear. She was that lady that wanted to say no when the little girl next door asked to hold you, and who cringed when she did, because in her mind no one could keep you as safe as her. Her heart skipped two beats with your first steps. She stayed up late to make sure you got home safe, and woke up early to see you off to school. With every stubbed toe and little stumble she was close by, ready to snatch you up; with every bad dream or late night fever she was there to make sure you were OK.
5. She knows she’s not perfect.
She is her own worst critic. She knows all her flaws and sometimes hates herself for them. She is hardest on herself when it comes to you though. She wanted to be the perfect mom, to do nothing wrong, but because she is human, she made mistakes. She is probably still trying to forgive herself for them. She wishes with her whole heart that she could go back in time and do things differently, but she can’t, so be kind to her, and know she did the best she knew how to do.