Dear Joshua, Sophie, and Jonah,
Hey kids! I’ve got some great ideas on how to make this the Best. Summer. EVAH! You know as a mom I have struggled in the past with having you home all summer and up in my GRILL, but those days are GONE. I’ve come up with 5 ways to make this summer super-tastic and I think if we all work together on these, we are gonna have a GREAT time. Ready? Here goes!
1) Get up early
Listen up, pups. You know I get up at 5:45 every day to work while you’re sleeping, but the truth is that the whole time I am drinking my coffee and being super-productive, I am longing to see your little faces and be constantly interrupted. Plus, there are SO MANY EXCITING SUMMER THINGS happening in the WEE HOURS of the morning, you just do NOT wanna miss it. So PLEASE, do not sleep any later than 7:30 a.m. every day or our summer is gonna SUCK.
2) Ask me for stuff constantly
Just because you’re old enough to make your own cereal, use the microwave, and get yourself dressed doesn’t mean I still don’t want to do EVERYTHING for you. I’m a MOM, even though I have a work from home job now. If you fail to interrupt me every 5 minutes to look at your latest bug bite or tell me a really annoying story or ask me to do something that you can totally do for yourself, I will FORGET WHO I AM and become completely depressed. Please do not under any circumstances attempt to be independent!
3) Beg me to have a friend over at least 3 times a day
School’s out! YAY! I love summer! Except for when I remember I won’t spend all day, every day with my friends! Easy solution to this one kiddos. I LOVE to be nagged, I also love to moderate play dates when I’m trying to do my job, SO – please request the presence of a friend at least 3x daily, or I might think that our house and yard full of toys is enough to keep you content and busy. Also, please pick the friend that lives the farthest away to avoid any attempts at convenience.
4) Fight with each other
There’s nothing worse than peace and quiet on a summer afternoon so for the love of all that’s holy, PLEASE BICKER ON A REGULAR BASIS. If you need tips on how to get a row started, let me know. If you don’t give me a fight to break up I’m going to a) get super bored and b) have really low blood pressure and c) be extra-productive at work and possibly break the internet so – start being jerks to each other, STAT!
5) Say you’re bored
This just in: I LIVE TO ENTERTAIN. And since we’ve already established that I have nothing better to do, y’all need to keep me hopping by claiming boredom so I can come up with a huge list of activities to combat that. BONUS POINTS if you reject ALL my ideas and go back to doing what you were doing before you claimed boredom.
Are you ready for some FUN, kids? I’m sorry I wasted 3 weeks of summer before coming up with these, but we’ve still got 56 more days to rock these five steps out to the MAXIMUM! Don’t let me down!