An Open Letter to All the Moms Out There: I Wish You’d Have the Courage to Be Nice

Normally, I wouldn’t write a post like this one, but today, I had to. I was angry, but I thought this post through and it came from the heart…

Dear Moms,

I am pretty busy. In fact, I am so busy juggling life that sometimes, I forget to appreciate the little things in front of me. So I ask, if you are as busy as I am (which you probably are), why do you waste your precious time worrying so much about the lives of others when you could be focused on your own?

I hear you talking about each other, each other’s marriages, and even worse, saying mean and negative things about each other’s children. At first, I was angry at you. So angry I wanted to scream. But then, I realized the two things I was really feeling: sadness and fear. The sadness is for you. Yes, you. I am sad for you and your families. The fear however, well, that’s a different story. I feared that someday, I would become like you; so engrossed in the lives of others that I would forget to focus on what was important: my own family. My fear increased when I thought about the example I would be setting for my kids if I became like you.

These thoughts and fears were brought to the forefront for me because of some silly assumption a few mothers chose to express about my girls and I. Life can be pretty unfair. So can catty women, and those who listen. What I did was worse though. I let all of it get to me. I let it consume me, and I even lost sleep over it. Finally, back in the right state of mind, I remembered reading a quote by Mohadesa Najumi.


So moms, I know that it’s easy to talk about each other, to speak ill of each others kids, to start trouble with other people just to make yourself feel better, and even to talk about other women and their relationships. If it weren’t easy, you wouldn’t do it so often. Unfortunately, acting on our envy and judgement by hurting others is the easy way out. Looking at ourselves in the mirror and actually accepting and loving who we are is definitely hard… and takes practice, but when you let the bad stuff control your actions…

It’s your integrity at stake; The very thing your own mother would always want you to hold on to (I am sure you want the same for your kids). It’s a battle you will NEVER win because…like I always tell my girls:

No matter what you do, there will always be someone better than you at something, and someone worse.
There will always be someone with more than you, and someone with less.
There will always be someone nicer, smarter, prettier…you get it!

Don’t focus on them, whether better or worse. Focus on yourself, because that’s when you really start living. Do things that make you happy. Never compromise your authenticity.

Have Courage. Be you. Because life is too short to be anything but.

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Shivani Cotter
Shivani Cotter is a writer, blogger and social media activist.  Born in India, her family migrated and settled in the U.S. when she was 7-years-old.  She currently lives in Massachusetts with her husband, 2 daughters and 2 dogs.  Through her writing, Shivani is dedicated to teaching others how to live positive and fulfilling lives as well as leaving a lovely legacy for her daughters. You can find out more on her blog,