Several years ago my parents took my husband, myself and our (at the time only) four children to the UK on vacation. During our wanderings we had opportunities to ride the underground subway system in London.
As the cars would come to a stop and passengers would load and unload a Bristish woman’s voice would come over a loud speaker and give instructions and warnings.
One of her warnings, a call to take note of the space between the deck and the subway car was, “Mind the gap…” This popped into my head this morning at 4:12 a.m. as I was feeding our little foster placement a bottle.
“Mind the gap.”
I said it out loud to the little cherub, fake accent and all, she smiled – formula escaped her mouth and trickled down her chubby cheeks.
Be still my heart.
My human heart can’t help but adore this helpless being. Button nose, rosebud lips, doe eyes, and good grief, that sweet baby smell – she was perfectly knit together in secret in someone else’s womb.
And from this comfy spot, in my cozy living room, as this wee creation finallydrifts to sleep, I hope I always remember this January 1st. I pray next January 1st I awake at this same moment and remember this…
“Stand in the gap.”
How many New Years have I feared the days before me?
Perhaps I am delirious from lack of sleep. Perhaps I will read this when I am lucid and I will beg it back; crying myself to sleep after struggling with the childproof lid of my Xanax.
But right now, in the quiet I look forward to the accomplishments and failures of this new dawn. This new year I will still be afraid of spiders, heights, mom jeans and old sippy cups found under the the van seat.
But I will not be afraid to stand in the gap.
I will not guard my heart. I will not be careful. I will not mind the gap.
I will stand in it.
I will love like I am not scared. And I will profess mercy and restoration. I don’t remember where I was 10 years ago at this moment, but I know I was afraid.
What I didn’t understand then is, here in the gap there are the broken, like myself, in desperate need of a Savior. And here – He is among us.
Here in the gap there is the wonderment of infancy. A Master Mind who created the universe – and babies and kittens – fully aware they’d become teenagers and cats. He knew how our hearts would work. He knew what it meant to fall in love.
Here in the gap I rest with another woman’s baby. A baby who needs her momma. I whisper prayers for that momma – who needs her little lamb. Ten years ago at this moment I would not have had the courage to love this baby or her mom. More than anything in the world I pray that this time next year – they are back in each other’s arms.
I pray my heart be broken. I pray I remember the innocence and helplessness of this 11 pound life. I pray I never forget my God was so humble, He arrived on this earth in this same tiny form. Born to a young couple whose hearts would be broken so that I might be restored… They stood in the gap.
And while I don’t believe in New Years resolutions, I do believe in speaking affirmations and truth. So from this comfy spot, in my cozy living room, with this tiny stranger, I boldly claim victory and restoration over the life of this child and her precious parents. And if it is The Lord’s will, I pray that this year, I am less fearful and more spirit filled – that He open the eyes of my heart to those in need.
My soul shouts praise and power to the King – may 2016 be a grand year of humbling standing, joyfully worshiping, hopefully mourning, faithfully waiting here…. in the gap.
Happy New Year – may your floors be sticky and your calling ordained. Love, Jami
Psalm 105:1 (NIV) “Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name; make known among the nations what He has done.”
Interested in foster care and still afraid? This is a must read: Loving a child that might leave…
And by my dear friend: Wisdom, Grace and Two Moms
And, if you are currently embracing a child, yours or another’s, please consider the book Pure Joy!. I read it outloud over the children in our home. I believe it stays with them for eternity…