Sex is not a sin. Let your kids know that sex is the most mysterious and extraordinary connection God ever created, second only to the ability of the Holy Spirit to dwell in men. Through some mystery, God created it is possible for one person to become greater than what he was created for alone. In the very act of sexual union God promises that the two will become one flesh. Two people working toward the perfect will of God is far greater than one alone. This is no knock against the celibate, but praise for Gods gift of unity. The promise to mingle two souls as to be indistinguishable before His throne. This is a mystery. Not a sin. Not an action to be repressed.
If you want to talk about sex, tell my kids how very hard relationships are.
Tell them how God loves strong bonds so much he gave the greatest gift of deep intimacy to ensure that people would choose to devote themselves to each other for the rest of their lives. Tell them how sexuality is the language we use to share depth and intimacy because the world is hard and there is comfort in the expression of sex.
Tell them there is a craving that drives us to one another and that God designed it that way. We are drawn to our spouse sexually because it is God’s design for us to be bound to each other. This is the power of God at work on your behalf in a relationship. God desires deep loving commitments and sex was meant to cement those bonds.
The world has made sex cheap and unsatisfying by reducing it to the level of skin. If you are going to talk about sex, please tell my kids that we are so much more than skin.
Better yet tell them about Esau who was tricked by his appetites.
Esau was a hunter. He thought very little about the future. He hunted and fed himself whenever he hungered and had need for very little. He knew that the whole of his fathers estate would be his when his father died but it mattered not to him. He would have to care for his conniving little brother when the time came, he longed for nothing more than to leave these forsaken tents and make a life of his own.
He imagined it continually while out hunting. He longed to be free. As the days grew long so did his desire and his discontent. He hunted long into the day and night, not caring to go home, it was his habit and no one would wonder where he was. This day is self sufficiency failed him, there was no game. Esau was hungry. Not a whimpering hunger but hunger like a crashing bear. Hunger drove him home. Hunger drove him to the tents he despised. His lack of ability to provide for himself only added to his frustration. As he neared the place of women the smell of foods over powered him, he was ravished, near fainting.
Jacob the schemer, Esau’s younger twin, met him at the entrance of the tent. Seeing Jacob reminded Esau even further, how little he wished to be here. Jacob was always his mothers favorite, cooking beside her, avoiding the world outside. His hunger made him irrational and Jacob saw the chance to take advantage. Jacob always was a usurper, pushing for the advantage over his older brother. Jacob offered his fine stew. The smell mingled with the delicious imaginings of Esau’s heart, an end to the temporary hunger, but at a price.
Esau’s birthright, for a full belly. Free from the agony of waiting. Free from the responsibility to care for a family. Esau saw nothing of the loss, only gain, blinded as he was by his inflated appetite.
The exchange was made, and even as the discomfort was settling in his gut Esau knew he had made a terrible mistake. He swore to kill his brother, the trickster. Unable to admit that it was he, who was the fool.
How many of us, like Esau, exchanged what should have been our inheritance, for a poor meal and were left empty. This world tells us we are starving and then hands us cold pea soup and asks to be satisfied, but I say we should pull the veil on the whole exchange. This world is offering a counterfeit. It is perpetuating a lie that says sex is fulfilling, but the suicide rate is proving it empty. The world is shouting that sex will make you independent, adult, free, but outside of a loving committed relationship you are being cheated. You are tied to a cart and led away further and further from God’s promise.
Esau did not see the value in what he was promised. Esau despised the promised future and exchanged it for something worthless. So if you insist on telling my kids about sex please tell them about it’s power to tie their heart to their lover. Tell them to choose wisely, to find someone they know has their hearts best interest, because they will be tied in ways they never imagined. Tell them that sex is amazing if shared with someone that cares enough about you to give themselves to you fully with their whole life, but that sex is wasted on the selfish. Tell them about the cost of a cheap exchange.
Don’t tell my kids sex is a sin. Because they are missing the point and coming away believing God hates sex, pleasure and intimacy. Misrepresenting the gift God gave us would be as grave a mistake as Esau’s, who traded away his promised future for his current hunger, and was left forever unsatisfied.
This post originally appeared at 200FingersAndToes.com.