These 5 Reasons Why “Having it All” is a Big Fat Lie Are Pretty Darn True

I’ve often wondered if it was a very lazy man who started the women’s lib movement. 

How could someone start a rumor that was designed to make women feel like they were missing out on something if they didn’t work a full time job outside the home, cook, clean, keep up the laundry, take care of the kids, play taxi driver for the children, do the grocery shopping, the clothes shopping, run errands, play nurse, kiss booboos, help with homework, instill character, attend birthday parties and play days, take their kids to baseball practice and ballet, bath their kids, tuck them in at night, stay up all night when their children were sick, and still get up and go to work the next day?

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“You can have it all!” they said.  It’s really a big fat lie, ya know.

The concept of having it all means we end up doing it all. And I’m not sure why anyone ever thought that was a good idea unless, like I said, it was a very lazy man or maybe a precious woman who was very much under-appreciated in her unparalleled role of a mom.

What you are doing as a mom is not only significant, it is monumental. You are a life-shaper. You not only mold your children’s hearts, but you mold the heart of the next generation.

Saying ‘we can have it all’ means someone thought what we already had wasn’t important. But make no mistake about it, YOU MATTER!

Today, I want to share with you 5 reasons why “You can have it all!” is a big fat lie.

1. God didn’t create us to have it all. He created us male and female for a reason. He made us different for a reason. We think differently for a reason. Our brains function differently for a reason. Our bodies are created differently for a reason. God created us to fulfill various roles in life. Having it all runs counter to creation.

2. Having it all means doing it all. Doing it all is the byproduct of having it all. If we women have ALL the responsibility of running our homes, raising our children, providing all the finances, protecting our home and our children and all the wifey and motherly things we do on a daily basis, then we would be the ones who would need to do it all. And doing it all is absolutely impossible. If you don’t believe me, ask a sweet single mom who is struggling to be all and do all and finding herself overwhelmed by it all. And I know what that’s like because I’ve been a single mom. It’s hard. Crazy hard!

3. Having it all robs men of the becoming who they were created to be and fulfilling their God-given roles in life. Women are strong. We can do a lot of things and we can do them well. We may not be able to do it all, but we can figure out how to prioritize and get what needs to be done, done. But when we take on the weight of our world, then our husbands can’t take on the weight of those things they need to be responsible. It’s stunts their manhood and they aren’t able to mature. Women often long for men to lead their homes well, but if we will do it, they won’t feel the need to step into the roles they were created for. Why would they? It’s easier for them if they don’t.

4. Having it all means you have less. If you have it all and if you do it all, that means you have less time for the things that are significant. Less time to go to your children’s open house, baseball game, ballet recital,and play days. Less time to help with homework, instill character, enjoy a day at the beach, and play games together with your kids. It also means you end up with less patience, less attention, and less energy to enjoy times with your kids and foster your relationship with them. Having it all means you have less.

5. Having it all means your children will grow up with a confused reality of roles. Little eyes are watching how you live your life. They look at the roles of men and women through the lens of the life you live in front of them. If you’re married, you have the opportunity to be the character you hope to instill in your children. If you’re a single mom, you can still ground them with solid biblical models and teach them their roles and responsibilities by talking about it, surrounding them with friends who can also shed light on biblical manhood. Oh, and don’t be so brave that you don’t allow them to see your struggles and fears. They need to know how to handle their own fears and the way you handle yours will help them navigate life when it gets a little scary or they feel unsure, insecure or inadequate.

I know I’ll probably get some emails on this one, but the pressure on women to HAVE it all completely DE-VALUES the role of a woman… especially a woman who chooses to be a wife and a mother. And someone has to be willing to say, it’s really a lie. Being a mom is a full time job. It’s a 24/7 hour gig with no breaks, little sleep and lots of hard work.

What moms do matters! And it’s pretty frustrating to hear people say, “Oh, you don’t work.” REALLY? Don’t they know that ALL MOMS WORK! Some work outside the home, some work full-time, some work part time, some work from home, some volunteer at church or the local school, hospital or ministry. But ALL MOMS WORK! Having it all just means doing it all and not only does that not sound like a good trade off, but God never created us to do it all.

HAVE YOU EVER FELT LIKE OTHERS WERE PRESSURING YOU TO ‘HAVE IT ALL’? Do you agree or disagree?


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Stephanie Shott
Stephanie Shott  is a pastor’s wife, mom of two adult sons, abuela (grandma), writer, speaker and Bible teacher who loves Jesus like crazy and loves ministering to the hearts of women. She founded The M.O.M. Initiative with a passion to help the body of Christ make mentoring missional.