I have been a mom now for nearly a decade. After having three kids, I’ve learned the hard way that kids have a way of slowly destroying pretty much everything they touch. Their little grimy, sticky, drippy, greasy fingers are always destroying something.
Here are 10 things that my own kids have ruined.
1. My car. My car is now a portal straight to hell. It smells like something has died in there…and dirty feet. I know…doesn’t that sound pleasant? I am amazed daily at the things I find on the floor in the back seat. It is not just the goldfish cracker crumbs. It is the garbage. How do such small people produce so much garbage? These are some photos of the current situation in my back seat. Yes, that is a garden hose. Why? I have no idea. For the record, I do clean out my car. Quite frequently. Those tornadoes are just so fast and sneaky…Also, not sure if it can ever be completely “de-funked”.
It’s not just the inside either. It’s the outside. Scratches and dents all over. My youngest decided to “clean” my car with sandpaper the other day. Yikes…Not sure we can buff that out.
2. My furniture. We just got new furniture after more than 10 years with the old stuff. It probably wasn’t a good idea considering how the old stuff held up. It was completely ruined. It had been peed on, pooped on, barfed on, spit up on, spilled on, colored on, and anything else disgusting you can imagine. There is always a “surprise” wet or sticky spot when you least expect it. Any furniture made of wood we now call “distressed”. The teeth marks, scratches, and dents are supposed to be there.
3. My walls. I’m not even sure how it is possible to get so much food, dirt, and grease on a wall. Every wall in my house has full hand prints, food splatters, and dents all over it. They have been scribbled on more times than I can count. It’s a good thing I like to paint. I just keep doing coat after coat to cover up the nasty. If walls could talk…Yuk.
4. My body. It is ruined. “Bye, Bye Short Shorts, Hello Varicose Veins” There is now fat in places there once wasn’t. Things that didn’t used to be flat and droopy now are…and things that were once flat are no longer. Even my skin and hair are different after having children. I have acne, wrinkles, and hot flashes. From what I hear…it doesn’t get any better. Joy.
5. My carpet. It’s been peed on, puked on, pooped on…you name it. Crumbs are sprinkled everywhere no matter how often I vacuum. It has seen it all. Just the other day my youngest smeared Vaseline all over the hallway carpet. Try getting that out. I look forward to the day of clean, crumb-free carpet that doesn’t reek of pee.
6. My electronics. My oldest took a bent paperclip and “colored” on the flat screen of our bedroom TV. The gouges are still there today. Fingerprints and slime are permanently on the screen of the living room TV. My phone has been dropped more times than I can count and probably has snot, spit, and who knows what else all over the screen. It’s not sanitary.
7. My brain. I’ve completely lost it. Kids ran away with every last brain cell. I’m disorganized, tired, and crabby. I can never find my phone and keys… Where’s Daddy? Mommy needs a drink….
8. My appetite. Kids are disgusting. They will touch or lick anything…the bottom of shoes, elevator buttons, my phone, the floor, the toilet…Clorox wipes are my best friend.
9. My bathroom. I don’t think it will ever smell the same. Perma-pee smell. Forever. I’m going to have to rip the floors out and replace them to get it out. I’m unsure of why it is so difficult to get your pee in the toilet. Seems to go everywhere EXCEPT the toilet. Even my girls have problems. They sit down…I don’t get it.
10. My organization. Nothing is where it should be. Everything is where it shouldn’t be. I can’t find a damn thing. Legos, Rainbow Loom bands, Shopkins, and garbage everywhere. I’ve even lost my mind.
Kids are wonderful; kids are terrible; kids are the best thing in your life; and kids are never-ending sanity sucking, energy sucking, and money sucking monsters. BUT…you love them. Couldn’t live without them. These years are short and it won’t be like this forever. Moms….we are all in the same boat. Let’s make a deal…I won’t look at your messy house if you don’t look at mine.