I picked up the phone excited to chat with a close friend. As a stay-at-home mom I always treasure the opportunity to speak with another adult. She asked how I was doing.
“Oh I’m good, baby girl is teething so she’s been a little fussy but she loves her swim class once a week so that’s been fun.” I responded.
“That’s good. But I asked how you are doing.” She corrected me.
It had been a while since someone addressed me, just me. Not Christina the mom, but showed sincere interest in Christina the person. I didn’t even realize it until this conversation took place. It was refreshing and concerning at the same time. Was I too consumed with my kids? Was my identity being swallowed up by parenthood? Had I grown to the point I didn’t even expect people to ask about me?
I was face to face with one of my greatest fears about motherhood. The fear losing myself, my identity, and worst of all becoming invisible.
As much as I love being a mom I sometimes fear losing what it means to be a person. As my fellow moms know, it’s so easy to get lost in all the details of being a mom, making it difficult to clearly see the bigger picture of motherhood.
Our lives become like scattered puzzle pieces on a table. Each piece seems meaningless on its own. However, the individual piece only seems insignificant until it’s missing. The gasping void it leaves behind would reveal its true value from the beginning: needed, necessary, and of upmost importance.
Those pieces that seem to be consuming you today, God sees them and they matter. Packing the lunches, filling the humidifiers, finding the pacifier, checking the homework, playing blocks, driving to practice, combing the hair, monitoring the Internet, wiping the noses, breaking up the fights and making sure everyone has clean underwear. It all matters. You matter.
We sometimes can’t see it from our vantage point but God can. He sees fully and He cares deeply. It’s when we lose that vision and lose sight of the importance of each piece; that we open the door for the lies to roll in. You know the ones: This does not matter. You can’t do this. You’re not enough. No one cares. And the one I personally struggle with the most: someone else would be doing a much better job than you, you’re simply not worthy to be a mother. No. No to all the lies! God called you, specifically you, to this moment, to these children because He has already seen how it ends. He’s already seen the full picture with all its glorious pieces unified in harmony. A masterpiece only produced through a mother’s prayers, tears and stubbornness. He knows it’s you that will give Him this level of glory, worship and praise in your mothering.
Although most of the attention here on earth goes towards cute babies and a never ending to-do list, Heaven is watching you, completely captivated as you display the glory of the Father with the faith to care for each piece every day only like a mother could. You are not lost in motherhood; you are consumed by the glory of God. It matters friend. There is never any need to fear. You are far from invisible.