The heartache of miscarriage is a profound and personal experience that many couples endure in silence. It’s said that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, meaning that many couples may even endure this heartache more than once. The excitement and anticipation of welcoming a new life can quickly turn into an overwhelming sense of loss and despair. This was the case for New York Times best-selling author Frederick Joseph and his wife, Porsha, who recently shared their emotional journey following a devastating miscarriage. Frederick found healing and comfort through writing poetry about their experience.
The Joy of Expectancy
Frederick Joseph, 35, and his wife Porsha were overjoyed when they discovered they were expecting a baby after struggling with infertility. Their journey toward starting a family had been fraught with challenges, including Porsha’s diagnosis of endometriosis. After undergoing surgery to alleviate her symptoms, the couple decided to pursue in vitro fertilization (IVF), hoping it would finally bring them the family they longed for.
Their first IVF cycle was successful, and Porsha became pregnant. The couple was ecstatic, feeling as though their luck had finally changed. Joseph described the moment they heard their baby’s heartbeat as a breath of fresh air, bringing them a sense of relief and hope for the future.
“We thought of it as being our luck finally coming to pass,” Joseph told Today. “I felt like I could finally breathe.”
View this post on Instagram
The Crushing News
Tragically, their joy was short-lived. During Porsha’s nine-week scan, they received the devastating news that their baby’s heart had stopped beating. Joseph recounted the moment as one of profound silence and heartbreak, a stark contrast to the excitement they had felt just moments before.
“The entire world went silent,” Joseph recalled. The dreams of becoming parents were suddenly ripped away, leaving them in a state of shock and grief. Joseph had already started preparing for fatherhood, buying baby gear and imagining their future as a family. The loss was not just of the baby, but of the life they had envisioned together.
Turning to Poetry for Healing
In the wake of their miscarriage, Joseph turned to writing to process his grief. He penned a poem titled “We Cry Together,” which serves as an ode to his wife and their shared sorrow. Through his poetry, Joseph not only expressed his own pain but also acknowledged the depth of Porsha’s anguish.
“In our society, as much as we say that we want to dismantle patriarchal constructs, I feel like we don’t talk enough about how dismantling them also means that we have to lean into a different type of manhood,” Joseph shared. “You have to understand and teach a school of humanity for men. It’s not just duty and perseverance, it’s grief and heartache and tears. And we need to start having conversations about how much pregnancy loss hurts.”
“We Cry Together”: A Poem of Grief and Love
Joseph’s poem “We Cry Together” captures the raw emotion and deep bond between him and Porsha as they navigated their loss. The poem opens with a vivid description of Porsha’s anguish, a sound that pierced Joseph’s soul. Despite his own pain, Joseph’s primary concern was for his wife, trying to support her through an experience that he could not fix or take away.
“Her shriek is raw, snapping all the world’s quiet As dreams, unborn tumble into the abyss of almost. I don’t know this sound; an anguish that pierces my soul. With what little strength I have, I grab her hand, Weaving through the grooves of her sorrow, Though my grip is frail.”
