And I am right.
But a voice inside me asks, Is it worth it?
The truth is I could have issued my tantrum in a quiet voice, stated the facts, and then doled out her punishment. The truth is, it is her punishment that changes her behavior. My tantrum probably only changes her heart, and not in a good way.
I am exhausted, I am frustrated. I am human and this child has pushed me BEYOND my limits.
That is true. But what is also true, is that I snapped, and I enjoyed it. I felt the right to a maternal hissy fit was OWED to me.
I don’t think that’s in the Bible, or in any parenting book I’ve read. The Book of Jenny thinks it’s a-ok, but I learned a long time ago there’s a lot of crap up in my autobiography.
The truth is, I don’t want my venomous word-slingshot hysteria to be the voice my daughter hears in her head when she thinks about me, or even worse, when she thinks about herself. I want her to hear the voice of a mom who believes her to be the wonder that God created her to be.
The Price of Being Right, it’s too high.
There will be no more Showcase Showdowns for me. I will say it in love, or I won’t say it at all. I can dole out punishment in a whisper just as good as I can with a hiss, of that I am 100% certain. I can still be right without being ragey.
And Lord help me, I am going to tell that girl I’m sorry and ask her to hold me to it.