Deep breath. “My children will act like children, and I must act like their loving mom…”
As this gentle self-talk works it’s way down into your mom-heart, you will begin responding once again to your children with compassion rather than passion.
Victims have a miserable time meeting their child’s tearful fits, whiney complaints, and strong-willed nature with compassion because they’re so focused on the negative way their children effect their own happiness.
I’m reminded of the a book I read when I was a newlywed: Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. In those pages he posed the question, “What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” It was a clever question, but didn’t resonate with me at the time, as I was still euphoric in the honeymoon phase of our love affair. However, within a few short years, we had moved across the country, had three strong-willed little boys, and were both overwhelmed by the challenges of our blessed life together. It was then, a variation of the words from the cover of that book came back to me: What if God designed motherhood to make me holy rather than to make me happy? What a thought!
What a thought. What a liberating thought!
If we go through our mothering days with the false expectation that it is our children’s job to make us happy (whether by their compliance, their achievements, or their agreeable personalities…) we will be PASSIONATELY disappointed – both with them and with our lives. However, if we wake up each new day with the expectation that God is more concerned with the process of making us Holy rather than happy, then we are on our way towards compassionate parenting, rather than parenting with passion.
Our kids are going to have a hard time, some time, here in the next few hours (or minutes.) Let’s remember that we’re not victims, we’re moms. The more we say it and believe it, the more compassion we will have to gently walk them through their childhood today.
Amen? Amen.
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This is part four of our series, “You are not a victim, you’re a mom.” Please hop on over and read the rest! And for more on this topic, check out Triggers: Exchanging Parent’s Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses . If you struggle with anger in your home from the sheer effort of it all, if you find yourself yelling at your children and struggling with shame, I encourage you to order a copy of Triggers, by Wendy Speake and Amber Lia, published by BRU Publications. For more information about Triggers, visit us here.
