For a woman, marriage is a bridge upon which she desires to safely walk. If that bridge has ever fallen through, she thinks twice before bearing all her weight on it again. Trust in a marriage is so important.
Most women simply want to know that their relationship with their husband is stable in the areas of unconditional love, commitment, emotional intimacy, and finances. Deep down, they desire to know that this bridge called marriage will hold up their sense of self worth as well as their expectations. When it shows signs of weakness, they tend to test its strength by doing what I call jumping up and down. This is usually done in one or more of the following ways.
How A Wife May Test The Trust Of Her Marriage
1. A wife may withhold her love for her husband until she sees that he truly cares about her and not merely himself.
2. She may show hesitancy to act like everything is fine in the marriage.
3. Some act cold or indifferent about the marriage until they see viable change.
4. A wife might question her husband’s motives for making changes for the better.
5. A woman could display a lack of willingness to participate in physical intimacy.
6. She could be curt, and, at times, rude toward her husband.
These are all natural tendencies for a wife that feels insecure about her relationship with her husband. This, of course, does not condone this type of behavior, but it certainly explains why some wives are tempted to act in such a way. I often say that though this describes a woman’s behavior, it does not necessarily prescribe what should happen in a marriage when there is any type of trust in a marriage lacking.
Many a man has found himself standing on a broken down, dilapidated bridge called marriage, trying to encourage his wife to follow. While he stands wooing, begging, and, sometimes, pleading with his wife to trust him once more, she often reacts with reluctance. It is not so much her reluctance or lack thereof that will determine their success, as much as his reaction to her reluctance that will be key.
Some men, while standing on that bridge, feel either afraid or overwhelmed by the task. Others feel incapable. Either way, they will do well not to run and hide from their God-given responsibility to promote an atmosphere of safety and trust in a marriage, within their marriage through sacrificial service and safe conversation.
Other men err in that they focus on their wife’s reluctance rather than their responsibility to strengthen the bridge with the planks of unconditional love and biblical character. This is a crucial mistake that many, if not most, men make as they work at rebuilding trust in a marriage.
Early in our marriage, I was guilty of such behavior. Rather than rebuilding the bridge of trust in a marriage through unconditional love and kindness, I was more focused on the thought of my wife jumping up and down. This only served to delay any type of substantial success.