I Forgot How to be the Happy Mom

But being a mom is hard.

I’m not complaining. For real. But I’m just talking about some of those truths that moms deal with. Like Saturday – I spent almost an hour going back and forth with a very crabby five year old who refused to get dressed. Sounds simple, right? Like there’s a five step program to fixing this? Well, in that moment, there wasn’t. There was just me trying to understand why this was like this and then feeling guilt and like I wasn’t a good mom because we were in the midst of this battle over putting on clean underwear and pants and a shirt.

Where did the happy part go?

Bring on the Happy Mom

Where did the laughing, the Hallmark moments, the sitting at the table with the glitter and making snowflakes part of being a mom go? Because I could sit at the table and make snowflakes with glitter with them and even though I’d be having fun part of me, truthfully, would be thinking now how in the world am I going to get this glitter cleaned up?

You know. I think the truth is that sometimes we just need to acknowledge that there are seasons in our life that are just hard work. Motherhood being one of them. Especially those years when they’re all under five – that’s when I need Starbucks delivered and extra help especially in cleaning those bathrooms especially again when I had little boys who had no sense of aim and their directional abilities included hitting anything within five feet of the target. But just because it’s hard or we lost that happy for a bit doesn’t make us a bad mom.

I want happy mom to return.

So I’m deciding every day to do one thing that makes me happy. One thing. Maybe it’s listening to music that I love or spending thirty minutes watching Modern Family on Hulu. Maybe it’s cleaning up my Facebook stream and getting rid of people who cause me angst. Maybe it’s deciding to play that game with my kids and to really really play it but letting myself have grace if I find myself thinking about the dishes that need to be done as I flip over the double yellow card.

One thing.

I don’t want to minimize the hard parts of motherhood and to shout just be happy moms! because I know it can be a hard hard thing and you can feel lost in the midst of motherhood and wondering if you make a difference and then wonder who in the world am I and why am I not happy when it seems like the rest of the world has mastered that? 

Sometimes sometimes sometimes it’s easy to lose us and our happy in the midst of this crazy life journey with twenty plus years of motherhood tucked in the middle. Tears.

You’re not alone, sweet mother, if you’ve ever felt this way.  Listen, please, please, please. You are not the only mom who has ever stood in the kitchen with kids running around and dishes piled high and loud noises and tears have filled your eyes as you wondered what happened to happy.  It’s okay. For real. I know those moments hurt and can make you feel like you just want to throw your hands in the air and that sometimes you just want a break and sometimes just a hug or to be loved and told you matter.

So listen.

It is okay. You are a good mom. Even in all those moments.

Maybe we should all make a goal for this year to find one more thing to do to be happy.  A Happy Mom Project, perhaps. Not built on artificial pretenses or doing crazy extra things or being perfect, but really on loving ourselves and taking time for ourselves and learning to be in the moment just for a bit with our kids.

happy mom

It’s about grace today. And knowing that happy can come back. And maybe maybe maybe just allowing yourself a moment to be happy and to let the cares of the world and never ending to-do’s fall off of your back just for a moment. It’s in stepping back and working hard to get that deep breath and to fill your head with words about the awesome that you do versus telling yourself all the things you didn’t do. It’s in letting that laugh come back and the wonder that your kids have mastered but you’ve temporarily lost in the busy.

Yes, that. That is what I want you to read.

And yes, you’re doing unbelievable things. Even if it feels ordinary and exasperating and tiring.

With love. Hope. And the words I’m proud of you to all of you today.

Happy can be there. We didn’t forget. We just got busy.


From me, the real mom up here in the semi-frozen tundra of Minnesota, to all of you – My friends on this crazy exasperating loving amazing tiring and beautiful journey called motherhood.


If you want to know how I uncovered happiness and found myself you can grab my book, The Brave Art of Motherhood.

This piece originally appeared at findingjoy.net, published with permission.



happy mom

Rachel Marie Martinhttp://findingjoy.net
Rachel Marie Martin believes in the power of the human spirit to overcome, to thrive and to find deep joy and because of that she pours out her heart via these platforms: she is the writer behind the site FindingJoy.net, partner of BloggingConcentrated.com, co-host of the Amplify Podcast, and a featured writer for The Huffington Post. Her top blog post, “Why Being a Mom is Enough” has surpassed 1.9 million Facebook likes and she has had her articles translated into over 25 languages. Her site reaches millions and has a robust, engaged Facebook community. Her articles have been featured by The Huffington Post, iVillage, IJR,  Star Tribune, iVillage, Stuff New Zealand, PopSugar, Parents, What to Expect, Mamalode, SheKnows, NBC Parents, Scary Mommy, Mother.ly, Dr. Greene, and many more. Her first book, "The Brave Art of Motherhood", published by Penguin Random House is available now.  She speaks worldwide about a variety of empowering topics ranging from motherhood to social media marketing to website strategy to writing to creating an authentic community. She believes in living each day intentionally and loves working with others to cultivate a vision, realize their potential and see their dreams become a reality.

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