When Motherhood Feels Like Treading Water

motherhood

I’ve never been a very good swimmer. Sure, I can tread water. I can get from point A to point B. But my form is tragic and there is a lot more flailing than effortless breaststrokes.

Lately, I feel like I’m drowning. Mom-life doesn’t allow for drowning, so I’ve had to keep my chin up and keep pushing forward. But most days I just want to sit down and quit.  I am just tired. Life really isn’t bad. I have two wonderful healthy children and an ever-so-patient husband. As a family we are just in a season of uncertainty. I told someone that recently and walking away I realized life is just several seasons of uncertainty smashed together. Sure, we may go through seasons of good health, financial stability, healthy relationships, and confidence in our paths or careers. But at the heart of things, we never can be sure of what comes next. Because we just don’t know.

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As tough as it is, I am trying to be ok with that. I want to be ok with whatever God has planned for my family and myself. I want to accept it now so that when He calls us, we’re ready. I want to be where He wants us to be when He wants us to be there… even if following those promptings don’t make sense to the people in our lives. I want to be so in tune with the Lord that when the Holy Spirit speaks, I hear Him and am confident in the direction we are called to go.

I’m not really talking about moving to Africa or living on the streets in downtown Chicago. I’m talking about the seemingly small promptings. The promptings to reach out to a friend online who just had a baby – hello, post partum depression.I’m talking about the promptings to take the neighbor a pie and just say welcome to the neighborhood. The promptings might be to take the homeless man a hot meal, even if you have your doubts about the severity of his situation. Sometimes the promptings might be more difficult, like selling your house or car, switching school districts or telling your child “no” when they ask to participate in a sport that practices on Sunday.

Sometimes the promptings may not make sense to us. They may go against what the world says, how we feel politically, or simply what we want to do. Sometimes even in the midst of following the Lord you may find yourself saying “Whatever you’re doing Lord, I don’t see it. I don’t get it. But I trust you.” Because if these whispers are truly from the Lord, they are good and they are right.

In this season of uncertainty, I know a few things for certain. The Lord is good. His plan is good. Where He calls us is good. And I know that if I fix my eyes on Jesus, He won’t let me drown.

” I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With Him at my right hand, I won’t be shaken.” (Psalm 16:8)


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Autumn Mankins
Autumn is a stay-at-home-mom turned stage designer. She works for a nonprofit and loves her job. Recently a published author in Brooke Taylor’s Choose Hope, she has a reignited passion for encouraging women in all seasons of life with her words. She loves taking broken things and making them beautiful again. A firm believer that in God’s will is the safest place to be, she faithfully trusts in the Lord’s plan and in His timing. Foster care and adoption advocate, wife to the love of her life, mother to her two beautiful children.. but most of all, she is a child of the one true King.