It’s tough not to benchmark our own existence against our peers. We see a snapshot of another woman and believe we know who they are. And when we are in the thick of motherhood —trying to balance work or young children or kids with special needs or weight gain—it’s easy to think that people are trying to shove it in your face.
As women, we live a contradictory existence. We say: “Yes, you can do it, I am behind you!” But what we really mean is: ”Yes, go do it, but don’t be too good at it as I don’t want to feel bad about myself.”
It’s like the mom who decides to lose a few pounds and then ends up entering bikini competitions. How dare she! She must not spend any time with her kids.
Or the mom who dresses up every single day she drops off her daughter at kindergarten while the rest of us schlep in dirty yoga pants. She must be so vain. Or have a nanny.
Or the mom whose house is so spotless when you drop by to return some Tupperware that you think her husband must be like Julia Roberts in Sleeping with the Enemy. Because who has kids and can keep their house clean.
Or God forbid you are the mom who sends in the elaborate Valentine’s Day box or a well put-together bento lunch. It’s like you’re just giving me the finger.
Because don’t we have enough problems as parents than to hate on the ones that are actually trying? Because there isn’t enough neglect, enough abuse, enough bullying of our children that we have to be mad at women who actually want to be better parents, better people, better than who they were yesterday?
Yes, there are always moms out there who feel the need to one-up someone else; but at the end of the day, we’re all just trying to do our best—and no one should get penalized for that.
So, the next time you see that woman all decked out to the nines hop out of her Escalade (and you in your spit up covered Target fleece), maybe just tell her your love her outfit. And when you see the four-tiered cake someone created for their son’s third birthday, maybe just tell her it is the most delicious thing you ever had. And when some mom makes Gak for your kid, just say thank you.
Because I’m not trying to make you feel bad. But I’m still going to keep trying to be my best. Motherhood is hard.
