Parenting in the digital age brings unprecedented challenges, one of the most contentious being the right time to give kids their first smartphone. The decisions surrounding phones are filled with concerns about safety, social pressures, and mental health.
Recently, a fellow mom on TikTok, Kailey (@the_geriatricmillennial), sparked a lively discussion by sharing her regret about giving her tween daughters phones at a young age.
Kailey, who has daughters aged 11 and 13, decided to deactivate her 11-year-old’s phone. “I took it away and I don’t know when I’m going to give it back,” she candidly shared in her now-viral video. Her decision to retract phone ownership was driven by the negative effects she observed, despite initially believing that giving her daughters phones would offer peace of mind.
@the_geriatricmillennial Taking away my 11 year old daughters phone agter having one for a year because its feeling like more negative than positive lately. No opinions needed, parentinf kids in the digital age is hard enough but would love to hear what other parents are doing to maintain their kids independence while also being safe #momofteens #momoftweensgirls #momofdaughters #parentingadvice #teenswithphones #millennialmom #momsover30 ♬ original sound – Geriatric Millennial | Kailey
The Initial Decision
Kailey’s initial decision to provide her daughters with phones at age 10 was not made lightly. As she explained, the primary motivation was safety. The phones allowed her children to roam the neighborhood and visit friends’ houses while staying connected. In an era where many families have moved away from landlines, and direct parent-to-parent communication isn’t always the norm, the phones offered a reliable way to keep track of her daughters and ensure their safety.
“I appreciated that the phones allowed my children more independence,” Kailey noted. “I felt safer knowing I could get in touch with them anytime.”
The Reality: Detrimental Effects
However, the phones soon began to create problems that Kailey hadn’t anticipated. She observed that it wasn’t just about social media, which can be easily monitored or blocked, but more about the interpersonal drama that the constant connectivity facilitated.
“It’s not so much the social media,” Kailey explained. “You can block the social media. That stuff’s all easy. What it is is… hormonal girls being jealous.”
She shared an example where her daughter went out with a friend who posted a picture on Snapchat. Another friend saw the picture and got upset, leading to accusatory texts and unnecessary drama. “And then my daughter feels bad and she has to make up a lie because she doesn’t want to hurt that friend’s feelings,” Kailey said.
While jealousy and drama are not new phenomena, the instant and pervasive nature of communication via smartphones seems to amplify these issues, making them more intense and frequent.
The Call for Collective Action
Kailey’s experience led her to a broader conclusion: that parents need to collectively agree on delaying phone ownership until kids are older. “We as parents need to band together and agree that we’re not going to allow it until 14, 15, 16,” she suggested.
The response from her followers was mixed. Many parents sympathized with her experience, sharing their own regrets and challenges related to early phone use.
“My daughter is 11,” replied @barbaralynn0110. “I reluctantly got her the phone last summer. I totally regret it. The texting drama is nuts. I have all social media blocked.”
“My daughter [got] her phone around 11/12 and now is 19,” said @rn_angie. “She even agrees she was too young to have a phone.”
The Skeptics and Alternate Views
However, not everyone agreed that taking away the phone was the right solution. Some followers pointed out that removing the phone might lead to other issues, such as kids hiding things from their parents or feeling socially isolated.
“When you take it away they will hide more from you,” observed @meltonpartyof4. “They will make accounts on their friends’ phones, and now they won’t talk to you about problems.”
Others suggested that the root issue is not the phone itself but the need for kids to learn how to set boundaries and handle social dynamics.
“You actually think taking the phone away is going to stop conflict,” wrote @fashionmechic in the comments section’s most liked response. “It’s going to be worse now. I understand thinking they’re too young it’s just your reasoning makes zero sense. We aren’t going back.”
