Why You Need a Divorce

I’m going to speak to two different kinds of people today, and then I want to tell you exactly why I think both of you need a divorce.

First, I would like to speak to the one my heart aches for the most because I’ve been there:

To the one who doesn’t want a divorce.

Sweet friend,

I want to start by saying that I am so sorry that this is the road you are on right now, and that you’re experiencing this pain. I’m sorry that on that day that you said your vows with such love and hope, you never had an inkling that this would happen and therefore, were lead on by your own heart. I’m sorry that the place that was once safe is now tainted, broken place and a source of hurt. I’m so sorry.

Here is a taste of life-giving water for your heart today: I’ve been where you are. Maybe you saw this coming; maybe you were thinking of leaving but decided to stay and fight; maybe you were just as in shock as I was. The pain is no less in any circumstance, but there is light just beyond the rose-colored lenses of betrayal. You are in the fire right now, but it ends, I promise. You will not live in this anguish forever.

I remember the early stages of processing my divorce: anger, grief, hurt, and then inadvertently breathing poisonous life onto the dry bones of those memories. I relived every sordid detail causing them to be further engrained in my brain. I spent my entire pregnancy picturing him with her and blaming myself. While I had a part in my marriage dissolving, I didn’t force him to run into another woman’s arms… Did I? Was I at complete and total fault? Was there one event caused this to happen? Was I that horrible for almost ten years that he felt the need to seek another? Where did things go wrong..?

7 months of bed rest and pregnancy gives you a lot of time for self-loathing to develop.

Speaking specifically to those who have discovered a spouse’s affair: You have done nothing to warrant your spouse’s actions. He or she made that decision of their own accord, and it isn’t your fault. We each have free will, and instead of choosing to work on themselves and your marriage, they chose the coward’s way out. There is no justification for adultery. You and your spouse have the individual responsibility of flourishing in your marriage and working diligently to sustain it. You cannot do that alone, and even the two of you together in full force isn’t enough. Marriage is a three part covenant between you, your spouse, and God.

I know you might be angry with God right now. I was too. How could He let this happen to me? Does He enjoy watching me suffer? Why doesn’t He love me? Darling, He understands. He knows what it means to be a part of a one-sided relationship because each of us has been that to Him at one time or another. He didn’t want this for you. I’m sorry that your partner’s actions have some ground in your life right now, because it shouldn’t be this way. You are allowed to feel however you feel right now, and your emotions are warranted and completely normal. Lean on the Great Comforter, and allow Him to ease the ache you feel. Your feelings don’t scare Him, anger Him, or alarm Him in any way. He is a good Daddy–even when it doesn’t feel like it. I promise.

“Then Jesus said, ‘come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.'” Matthew 11:28-30

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Shea Sweet
Shea Sweet
Shea is a 23 year old single mother of 10 month old Adelaide, and a follower of the Most High King. Having gone through everything from miscarriage and infertility, to divorce, and with her current season of  single motherhood, she's been through it all. Shea is a hairdresser in Dallas, Texas, and started sharing her thoughts and experiences in writing through her current project, dearadelaiderosalie.com. Between the bittersweet existence that is being a single mother and her experiences growing up in a broken family, Shea has a heart for single parents and a passion for helping them beat the stereotype. You can follow Shea and Adelaide on instagram.com/shea.sweet

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