12 | Think of the most expensive and indestructible piece of furniture you own.
Now picture it ripped, cracked, and completely busted up. Two words : Bean bags.
13 | Use plastic cups and dishes until they’re teenagers.
And then just go ahead and transition right into paper plates. Trust me on this. Lock up your good china pronto.
14 | Puberty happens overnight.
Vienna Boys Choir voice one day, Pavarotti the next. Facial skin as soft as a baby’s bum at bedtime, full on 5 o’clock shadow the next morning. Dollar Shave Club people. No joke.
15 | Given enough unsupervised time everything in your garage will end up in a tree.
An obsession with heaving sporting goods high into a tree to see if they will stay there is beyond me.
16 | Chicken wings can happily be eaten at every single meal.
Deep fry it and add hot sauce and voila…breakfast, lunch, and dinner is served.
17 | They only have two speeds. Just TWO.
FULL THROTTLE and OFF. From sunrise until they literally PASS OUT at night, it’s 100 MPH.
18 | You’re gonna need a lot of butterfly bandages.
And liquid stitches. And a separate savings account for ER co-pays.
19 | You can never have too much bleach.
Whoever thought it was a good idea to make all Little League infields out of dark red clay needs to be hung out to dry in left field.
20 | Cheap clothes won’t make it through one season.
You get what you pay for when it comes to discount store boy clothes. If you want to have any hope that they stay decent enough to be handed down, you’re gonna have to pay higher prices and choose quality over thriftiness.
Above all, they truly, madly, and deeply love their mamas. No matter what they destroy, inhale, or crap on, I wouldn’t change raising boys for anything in this1 world.
Well, maybe someone to go get pink pedicures with, but I can wait for granddaughters to do that.
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This article originally appeared at Parent.co.
