At this point everyone is fed and clothed and should be ready to leave. Only my youngest daughter can’t find her Bible, even after being encouraged an hour ago to locate it and lay it on the desk by the door. Add 15 minutes to do a fruitless search for it, only to give her her 3 year old brother’s Bible which she holds between two fingers stating it has “germs” on it and “it’s blue”.
Break up fight after three year old son sneaks into oldest daughter’s room and uses markers in her art kit to color on her bedspread and break head off a Barbie. Five minutes.
Strap the baby in his car seat so he’s ready to go and also so he’s immobilized, only to smell a suspicious aroma emanating from the seat of his pants. Hand baby to Dave to change – add 10 minutes – then turn to find the three year old standing in a puddle on the driveway – only it hasn’t rained. Add 5 minutes to change his pants and an additional 10 minutes when I realize that all his nice clothes are dirty. Do a fruitless search for unstained, non-smelly church pants in the hamper, only to finally put on his grey sweat pants instead. Man looks on the outward appearance, but God looks on the heart, amiright?
Break up fight between daughters over whose hair clip is sparklier. 2 minutes.
Dave puts the baby and the toddler in the car then comes back in for his Bible. I instruct the girls to put on their shoes and coats and get buckled in the car, then I go to grab the keys, only they aren’t hanging on the hook. Add 20 minutes for a frantic search. Look in trash can and find three year old’s lost shoe but no keys.
Grab the spare key and go outside only to find that my daughters interpreted my “get your shoes on and get in the car” instructions to mean “practice your ballet moves barefoot in the driveway.” Add 5 minutes for them to get their shoes on.
Add an additional 5 minutes to help my daughter search for her other shoe that has become mysteriously lost in the last 30 minutes even though “no one touched it.” Find keys at the bottom of the shoe bin, but no shoe. Contemplate sending her to church barefoot, then have her squeeze into last year’s shoes. Add 10 minutes to get those from the basement storage room.
Break up fight over which daughter gets to sit next to the baby in the car. 2 minutes.
Finally, get everyone buckled in the car. *Deep sigh*
Now, just add all those numbers up and plan to start getting ready for church at around 3 o’clock in the morning.
Easy!
This article originally appeared At House of Grace.
