“My boobs were engorged and my body wanted to feed a baby… a baby that I didn’t have at home with me,” she says.
The other effect of having a baby pass away from Trisomy 13 that Villegas didn’t expect? The want of congratulations. She says she was met with sorrow and silence from friends and family, which she totally understands. What she didn’t understand was her own longing to hear celebratory words about her child’s life.
“It wasn’t wrong, and it’s what I would have done,” she says of her community’s response to April Rey’s birth and death, “but I found myself wishing for congratulations instead of the ‘sorry for your loss’ type of communication. I’d still had a baby. I wanted people to congratulate me on her life.”
I realize that Villegas’ story isn’t anywhere close to sunshine and roses. I have not experienced this particular agony of motherhood, but I love some people who have. I think of my friend Jenny and her little Oliver Wyatt, who lived only 35 minutes after birth. I think of Lauren and her Lincoln Matthew, who was born sleeping. The reason I tell their stories and Villegas’ story and April Rey’s story is because each of these little lives is worth SO MUCH, and 100% does deserve to be celebrated, honored, and remembered.
My friends, if you know a mama who has lost a child in any way, whether before birth, during birth, shortly after birth or years down the road, please speak their names out loud. Honor their mother by letting her know that you remember and value their child’s life. I cannot imagine people not knowing that my child ever existed, or worse, acting like he or she never did.
To all the mamas writing these beautiful essays so that we might know their children, thank you. You are doing a hard thing, and it matters. As does your baby’s life, no matter how long or short.
Please read more about Trisomy 13 at Mama’s Organized Chaos.
