My Hands Were Full, But My Heart Wasn’t

my heart

I was 32 years old, married ten years, with two kids, ages six and three. I thought my heart was full.

The three-year-old was CRAZY.

Like many moms, I could and did say, “My hands are full and so is my heart.”

I was a stay-at-home mom, dealing with a kindergartener and a preschooler who, because of developmental delays, was more like a toddler. I was a wife, to a hard-working husband who did not arrive home from work until SEVEN STINKING O’CLOCK.

The days were lovely, but long.

My hands were full. SO full. Your sister’s strong personality and delays left me physically spent most days. Sometimes, just getting her dressed left me sweating. True story.

Anyway. My hands were full.

I thought my heart was, too.

But then.

A trip with your dad for our tenth anniversary. A couple of days away.

We came back with a baby on board. You.

But I didn’t know. I thought my heart was full. I thought we were “done.”

It was April, and as the weather turned warm we packed up all the baby things, finally. We gave away the bedding set, the crib, the pack-n-play, the swing, and even your brother’s ginormous train table with ALL.THOSE. EXPENSIVE. WOODEN. THOMAS. TRAINS.

The DAY AFTER (literally, kid, the DAY AFTER) we gave away the train table I felt sort of funny. I had some symptoms I’d only had twice before…

I ran to the spare bathroom where I was pretty sure the lone remainder of a pregnancy test two-pack was hidden in the back of a cabinet.

It didn’t take two minutes, but only a few seconds for the 2nd line to show up.

Holy SMOKES. My hands were about to get a WHOLE LOT more full.

And so was my heart. From that moment, honestly, my hands weren’t as full but my heart grew two sizes.

I ran upstairs to tell your dad — it was a Saturday. We were both honestly in SHOCK, but a good shock. We laughed and laughed at ourselves for having an “oopsie,” and yes we do know how that happens…

All I can say is God knows what we need, when we need it, and Son, God knew we needed YOU!

hands are full

Being your mom has not been easy. You have had challenges of your own, which as your sister did, you are conquering, with a lot of help from me and Dad. But, oh, being your mom HAS been full of SO MUCH JOY. Seven years on, I’d freeze you right now for a year or two if I could. Right now you are just fun, FUN, FUN.

hands are full

My hands are full. They’re a lot MORE full. But so is my heart.

My heart is full-to-bursting, kiddo, every second I spend with you.

***

What “The Days Are Long But the Years Are Short” Really Means

 


Previous articleMy Kids Are Not Playing Fortnite — Here’s Why
Next articleHelp Line For Teens and Tweens Whose Parents Are Literally the Worst
Jenny Rapson
Jenny Rapson is a follower of Christ, a wife and mom of three from Ohio and a freelance writer and editor. You can find her at her blog, Mommin' It Up, or follow her on Twitter.