You and I probably can’t create age verification tools.
But we can come up with educational strategies that support responsible behavior online and promote resilience.
So let’s talk about the OTHER tools in the toolbox. Most of them have to do with conversations we all need to have with our kids, and they all help our kids develop a strong internal filter, which is WAY more effective than any external filter.
Here are 6 Tools to Actually Keep Your Kids Safe Online
1. If you’re a Christian parent, you can pray.
You might look at this and think, “well that’s dumb”. And I wouldn’t blame you. We underestimate God all the time. But let me tell you about the God I know. He is love, and there is no fear in love, which means that this whole pornography business doesn’t scare him. I also know that he moves in response to the prayers of his people. (PS You can pray even if you’re not a Christian parent. God listens to us all!)
So people, let’s get praying.
TOOL: If you want some prayer suggestions, download my two-page prayer guide right here.
2. Teach your kids about smart internet practices.
Our kids need to know how to be smart. I talk more about what the internet does to our brains in this article, but it’s crucial that they learn to make wise decisions online.
TOOL: Google has a great tool to teach kids how to be smart online. Play this game WITH your kids – don’t just turn it on and let them play. Do it together so you can have conversations.
3. Teach your kids about healthy sexuality.
Talking to your kids about this had a dual effect.
A) they know they can talk to you about their questions, instead of googling them. (imagine what kind of search results they might pull up!)
B) They know what’s healthy, and what’s not. The reason we have less smokers today than we did 40 years ago is because our kids know what’s healthy, and what’s not. Let’s teach them what’s healthy, so they can identify what’s not.
TOOL: The Talk is for both boys and girls, and is a great jumpstart into conversations about sexuality. This article has many more book ideas to get you started.
4. Talk to your kids about the addictive effects of pornography, and what to do when they do encounter it.
If we go back to the smoking example, my kids know what a smoker’s heart looks like, and they don’t want their own hearts to get black and shrivelled. Teach your kids that brain science says that we can get addicted to pornography, and that can be very bad for our lives, like all addictions.
TOOL: Good Pictures, Bad Pictures is the best book I’ve ever seen on this topic.
5. Pay attention to your kids when they’re online.
In the early years, make sure all app use and online use is near you so when they encounter things, you can have conversations.
For example, my son was playing HeyDay, which looks like a kids game. But it turns out that there’s an open chat feature on this game, and it’s actually intended for 18+! I didn’t realize that until I got suspicious about why it wouldn’t work on airplane mode. That gave me a great chance to talk to him about the fact that the people he was trading with were real people. We disabled the chat feature, and are paying more attention to the apps he uses
TOOL: When your kids want a new app, quickly check out the reviews on Common Sense Media to make sure it’s actually appropriate for children.
6. Help your kids learn respect.
Helping our kids develop a strong internal filter means helping our kids develop healthy self-esteem. When they respect themselves, they’re more likely to respect others and see the disrespect portrayed in pornography.
When our girls respect themselves, they won’t need to send nude pictures to boys in their class. Help your boys develop a deep respect for women, for the same reason.
TOOL: The best tool to teach respect is to model it in front of your children! Dad, show your kids what respecting women truly looks like. Mama, respect yourself, and call out men and boys who belittle you or your daughters. If there are no respectful men in your boys’ lives to model this, I urge you to do whatever it takes to find some good role models for them.
So there you have it. There are so many tools in your toolbox, but the best way to help your kid stay safe and pure online is to use them all, together.
By all means, use an external filter. But don’t forget to pair it with a powerful internal filter in your child’s mind.
A version of this post originally appeared on christiethomaswriter.com, published with permission.
