I think I had a nervous breakdown today. Some of you will think I’m a baby, that this just comes with the territory of being a parent. But I’m not like you. I’m me. I love my son, but sometimes I don’t want to be a mom, like this is not what I signed up for. That’s my truth. This is my struggle.
Let me explain. My son is clearly getting ready to give up his afternoon nap. I’m so not onboard with this. I am not ready. I look forward to those two to three hours in the afternoon. I need them. When I don’t have them, I’m bitchy. Ask my husband, he will happily tell you! Lately, my son has been napping every few days. Of course the days he naps are the days our nanny comes. But we do quiet time. He has to stay in his room whether he sleeps or not. If he doesn’t fall asleep, he usually hangs in his bed and looks at books. Sometimes, he gets out of bed and destroys his room. These are the afternoons I dread. Yesterday was one of those afternoons.
When I got to his room to get him after his not-so-quiet time, he was naked from the waist down—no pants, no pull-up. I knew this going in because I could see him on the monitor. What I did not see on the monitor was what he informed me of the minute I opened his door. “Mommy, I poopied on the floor! I poopied right there and there and there. And I peed right there.” Holy crap! No pun intended. My toddler took his pants and diaper off and pooped and peed on the rug. As I entered, he was trying to pick up the poop with wipes to throw it away—exactly what we do if our dog poops in the house. How adorable. He is at least trying to clean up. Should I be proud of his cleaning skills? He was hysterically laughing. I was trying to breathe, trying to remain composed.
He’s never done this before. We are in the middle of potty training. He won’t poop in the potty, but somehow always times his poops for when he is sleeping—as in, they stay in a diaper.
I told him to go sit down on the chair. “Noooooo!” I took it back. Don’t sit down on the chair; his butt was covered in sh*t. My mistake! I negotiated. He sat on the changing table, and I wiped all the sh*t away. I got him dressed and placed him outside his room.
