We can and should listen to the children. We can and should care about their feelings. We can and should help them manage those feelings in productive and kind ways. We can and should teach them that mean letters to people you love are a bad idea. We should tell them that a nasty note on a bedside table is hurtful, and we should show them better ways to deal with their feelings.
Mamas, you don’t have to just take it when these emotions pour out of your children in cruel and unproductive ways. And, by the way, you have every right and duty in this world to tell your nine-year-old daughter how to dress.
I worry about our children when we are so afraid to tell them the truth about their behavior and attitudes. Life will not treat them kindly if we send them out there with no real handle on their emotions. We can’t continue to teach them through our acceptance of bad behavior that their feelings rule the world.
It will end badly for them. I promise.
So, yes, we will feel these arrows that kids shoot into their parents’ hearts with their emotionally-charged actions, but we can’t just lie down when it happens and say, “Ok, you got me. I shouldn’t have made you feel upset. I was wrong. I’m proud of you for saying what you felt.” NO! We should stick to our guns, remind them who’s in charge, and teach them that the way they feel isn’t the center of the universe or our home.
They will be better people for it. And, we will enjoy living with them so much more.
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This article originally appeared at Your Mom Has a Blog.
