Making decisions for them that they can and should make themselves.
What lesson do we teach our kids?
Timeout sends the message that our love is conditional since isolation breeds fear and dissension.
Throwing the Bible around as a lesson to kids doesn’t make them understand or want to know Jesus. They learn to see Him as an extension of abusive authority.
Food issues become about control instead of loving hospitality and fellowship.
Kids who never make their own decisions grow up into adults who don’t know how to make wise decisions. They fall into addiction or promiscuity. They become victims.
Really, as parents, we need to separate our emotions and our past issues from our parenting.
I fear all these parents who don’t respect their children as people and command and demand and have little relationship with their kids. All in the name of Jesus.
And they wonder why they lose them to the world.
We parent from fear.
Fear that we’ll be like our parents or the kids will make the same mistakes we did, fear that our kids will harm themselves or others, fear that we’ll look bad.
It’s time to trust in God to put down fear and to parent from the heart.
That may make us unpopular. We may look bad on the outside. We’ll learn who our real friends are. And we’ll gain our children in the process.
What can we do?
Pray. Jesus is the gentlest parent.
Apologize. Tell children we haven’t loved well and we’re going to do better.
Deal with our past. Know our triggers and problems. Forgive ourselves. Relinquish control.
Parent with respect. Realize that children are thinking people who can make decisions for themselves, with our guidance instead of coercion and control.
How to End the Power Struggles
What does this look like in our home?
Simplicity.
We threw out all the printables. Kids can learn on their own. It’s amazing to stand back and watch them explore their interests. I’m a guide, helping them in their research and finding materials for them. See how we learn.
Frugal.
It’s our goal to be debt-free. We constantly minimize to maintain our goals. It’s important to encourage our kids to see value in experiences instead of stuff. We don’t like clutter in our lives or hearts. See our frugal journey.
Discipleship.
Obedience is not wisdom. We focus on discipling and it’s a constant process, reevaluating and learning ourselves. We focus on relationships, self-control, and kindness.
Proactive.
I have to plan and be proactive for our family to stay healthy and happy. We don’t punish or reward or praise. Behavior issues are not to be punished, but are cries for connection. My favorite parenting book list.
We’re not perfect. It’s been a struggle sometimes. No one has all the answers. We certainly know what doesn’t work.
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This article originally appeared at JenniferALambert.com.
