I’m becoming a gentler mom and dealing with the power struggles.
I was spanked as a kid. I grew up in an authoritarian home.
I feared everything.
When I became a parent, I surely went overboard with strictness, trying to counter the Disneyland father visitation syndrome with my preschool daughter. Power struggles ensued.
I briefly attended a church that lived by the principles in the Pearl child-training book. That was disastrous.
When my eldest child just turned fourteen, I realized I was losing her. Despite everything. Too little relationship, too late. Too much coercion into compliance and obedience when she was younger was leaving her confused and broken when she was gaining independence and making bigger decisions.
Children who are coerced into obedience develop a victim mentality.
Coerced kids often become rebellious teens. I’ve seen it with some of our aquaintance’s families.
I’m raising servant leaders and I won’t succeed with opposition-based leadership methods. I was losing the battle.
I need to become a gentler mom.
I witnessed power struggles between my husband and daughter. I see power struggles between my four kids. I power-struggle with my kids occasionally.
Are discipline and obedience the same thing?
Many Christian and secular parenting articles and books and leaders would say yes.
Obedience is all about gaining control.
Discipline is all about cultivating a relationship.
Discipline and Disciple are from the Latin discipulus, meaning “student.”
As a homeschool mom, I certainly don’t expect my children to know everything. That’s the whole point of homeschooling them. Why do I expect their behavior to be perfect? Why do I expect them to know how to act in social situations, or to have self-control when they’re tired or hungry?
These are issues that even many adults can’t handle, much less children.
I must end my own selfishness and unrealistic expectations to disciple them, guide them, lead them.
I know many parents who are exhausted from the power struggles of getting their kids to clean up their stuff. They threaten, shame, punish, yell, spank, and follow through with the threats by getting rid of the stuff, as if that’s the culprit.
I’m not perfect. I used to be like that, but I’m changing as I realize these methods don’t work.
Timeout.
Using the Bible as a weapon.
Forcing kids to clean the plate.
