I’m not sure when the panic set in that our time together was running out but it was probably sometime last year.
My daughter is a sophomore in high school.
I know it sounds cliché but I don’t know where the time has gone.
Those two+ years that she never slept through the night.
The sixteen months of breastfeeding.
The strong-willed tantrums — hers and mine — that prevailed through the preschool years.
The five years of homeschooling her.
Each stage felt like it would last forever and now I’m looking back and wondering if a thief snuck into our life and robbed us of a few years when we weren’t looking.
When the panic showed up, I became overwhelmed with all I still wanted to teach her and show her and share with her. I felt like I hadn’t been a good steward of my time with her for so many years.
And now?
She’s fifteen. And her life is full. And there’s not much time.
When last school-year began to wind down and I started envisioning some loose hopes for our break, I had just one summer goal for the two of us:
Relationship.
Just be with her. No agenda. No plan to sneak in a Bible lesson after I’d buttered her up with a grande milkshake masquerading as a coffee drink from Starbucks.
That may sound obvious and simple to you. Why would I try and make our time together more complicated than it needed to be?
Because overcomplicating simple things is totally my specialty. And it’s often fueled by fear, the illusion of control, and regret.
As a Christian mom, I haven’t “discipled” her like I’ve wanted to. We never got through all of the catechism and memory work because, honestly, it made us fight. And it stressed us out. I only have so many battles in me per day. As a family, we’ve been hit or miss with lots of the stuff Christian families are “supposed” to do, like regular family devotions and meaningful discussion around the dinner table every night.
It’s not that I don’t think these disciplines are important and useful. We’re still trying to figure out ways to ground our family with our faith in a way that works for us and it has looked different in each season. But for all sorts of reasons — some valid and some not — we haven’t been super systematic and consistent over the years. #guilt
