“Next time you pray for Josiah,” my counselor suggested, “try thanking God for what’s good and right about him. It will change your perspective and help you understand him.”
Every now and then, you hear something that is absolutely simple, absolutely true, and perfectly timed to change you. This was one of those times. My counselor was right. Practicing gratitude for my son profoundly alters my perspective and eases my anxiety.
When we give thanks, specifically, for the good we see in our children, we begin to see who they truly are. We glimpse them as God made them to be – his masterpieces – and we get a vision for what they can become. Those parts of our children that infuriate us, that break our heart – we realize that they don’t define them, nor do they define our relationship with them. We begin to view our children through the lens of compassion rather than frustration. We remember that they are gifts, and that God treasures them – and he is just as invested as we are in their future and their becoming.
Josiah is 14 now, and the force of puberty is strong with him. He’s beginning high school next year in a large public school. We have not given up petition for this boy! But I have to remember not to start and end there.
Josiah graduates from 8th grade today, one of three graduates from our homeschool support program. I’m supposed to give a small speech, and I compiled a list of what makes me thankful when I think of my son. I want him to hear (again) these things that are true about him, and I want him to know that this is who he is:
- He is funny and good-natured. His craziness is never directed at hurting anybody, and the younger boys in school love hanging around him. He can laugh at himself.
- He is honest. I can trust that his version of what happened is true.
- He is strong and helpful. He will uncomplainingly lend a hand if I ask.
- He is curious and loves learning. He asks great questions. He uses his free time to explore new concepts. He wants to become a professor of political and economic philosophy. He has a wonderful writing voice.
- He is original. He refuses to blindly copy somebody else, but forges a new path. He thinks far outside the box.
- He is generous. He spends almost all his money on others.
- He cares about his friends and the world. He’s willing to sacrifice for them. He wants to follow Jesus and make the world a better place.
Writing out a list like that for your child (and remembering it when you’re desperate) really does change your perspective, especially if he or she is the cause of your graying hair, or contributes to your sleepless nights. At the very least, it fills your heart with love and gratitude. There’s a magic in that, too.
