Now I just encourage my kids to do their best. If they’re not some genius mathematician and the best they can honestly get is a B, then they can get a B. I want my kids to feel the freedom to challenge themselves and to not be afraid of struggle or failure. I want them to feel like their job is to use God’s gifts as well as they can, not to just try and please me.
4) “What was the high and low of your day?”
This is always a great conversation starter, especially at the dinner table. I know personally more often than not, when I look back on a day, I only remember the negative things and forget the blessings. This simple question allows space to talk about the hard stuff but also reminds us to see the Jesus in everyday life. It’s also really important to look for Jesus in the “lows.”
These are things that, when learned young, are then much easier to apply later in life. The Bible says that God disciplines those He loves. If we only focus on the negative things—such as other people’s issues affecting us—then we miss out on the beautiful opportunity to learn from the struggle. Jesus is life. He’s there in the ups, and He’s there in the downs. The ability to praise God through any circumstance is the most powerful tool you can give your children. Again, remember, kids learn from actions just as much as words, so be honest about your highs and lows. Obviously practice discretion according to your children’s ages, but use this beautiful opportunity to show children by example what it’s like to not hide your weakness but instead offer it to the Lord. You don’t have to be the savior of your family; you just have to point them to the One who is.
5) “You add so much fun to my life!”
I know my mom constantly complained to other parents about how busy I made her because of all the sports I played and all the piano recitals I had. Now let me make it clear: Through playing six sports in high school and two different instruments, my mom never missed a recital, worship service or game. She was in the stands for it all, rain or shine (which says a lot living in Washington State). Even though she had good intentions, her complaints made me feel like she’d rather not have me around. She totally didn’t mean that, but that’s how I felt. I’m sure a lot of parents don’t realize that complaining about the business a child brings into their lives can make them feel like they’re unwanted. It’s totally okay to take a season off to make sure that you’re caring for your family well, and it’s okay to have busy seasons and be moving around a lot, as long as your kids don’t suffer because of it.
For me, this topic daily brings me back to number one: learn to apologize. I can get so caught up in my own business that I’m not present for my kids, even as I’m at their events. During a soccer game, I’m sending out emails and planning play dates. I even make the excuse, “Well, I’m doing this for them, so they should appreciate it,” when in reality they’d probably prefer me to just watch them play. The first thing I learned with a newborn in the house was how selfish I can be. Now I pray for God to give me the wisdom to know when my selfishness is controlling me and the humility to ask my little ones for forgiveness.
