When we’re struggling with our child’s separation anxiety, we don’t need you to remind us that they won’t always want us around.
When our preschoolers mouth off at us in tones completely unexpected for such tiny little people, we don’t need to be told that it’s only going to get worse.
From where we are today, we just need to know that it’s going to be all right. We need to be told to hang in there….that this season will pass….that all of the hard work and too-short nights of sleep and infinite time outs will pay off. It’s not helpful for us to hear about how bad things are going to be in the future. Frankly, that’s demoralizing and incredibly discouraging. That just makes us scared that we’re screwing up something that cannot be done right. It makes us cry into our pillows when we finally get to lay down, and it makes our minds race with all of the hypothetical calamities awaiting us in the future that we should somehow be doing something to prevent now.
It’s not helpful. It’s defeating. It doesn’t build us up for today’s battles, but tears us down with no hope of success.
What we need is for you to tell us that we’re okay. That we’re going to make it. That this phase will end – no matter how it might feel – and that when it does, we’ll be going into something far better than what we can imagine. We’ve seen it already – how even though we mourn the loss of our tiny babies, we get to enjoy the changes that come as they grow. Conversations, interactions, playtime, and laughter….. We need to be reminded that it’s only going to get better.
So please, mamas, try to remember what it was like to be where we are today. Try to remember how uncertain and frustrating and scary it all was. Try to put yourselves back in the shoes of your past, and revisit some of the landmarks you passed along the way before you got to having big kids.
Please…..please try to find it in your hearts to encourage us. We need you to tell us it’s going to be all right, because we need your example. We need your encouragement. We desperately need your wisdom. You’ve already seen so much of what we’re going through, and you know what might help us get through this. We want to learn from you. We want to lean on you. We need to lean on you, because to be honest, we don’t know how to do any of this on our own.
We are grateful for you and for the example you are to us. We admire you, and all that you have done with your kids who are now much older than ours. You might not feel like you have anything to offer us, but you’ve raised some pretty amazing kids. (And you survived!) So please…help us along the way. Help us learn from you, and show us how to mentor the mamas coming after us. Because one day – not too far into the future – our kids will be raising our grandchildren. And when that day comes, we would love for them to have a crowd of more experienced mothers standing around them. We’d love to know there is a generation standing and cheering them on.
With love and admiration to the big kids mommas,
The Mamas of Little Ones
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This article originally appeared at JessicaBolyard.com.
