Statistics say that 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage…which means if you haven’t lost a baby yourself, you know someone who has. I have never experienced miscarriage, but have several nieces or nephews waiting in heaven that I have never met here on earth. This past weekend whilst scrolling through my Facebook feed, I saw a post by a mom, Rachel Lewis, that perfectly encapsulated the devastating loss that is miscarriage, and how it’s often misunderstood by those who haven’t experienced it. I LOVED her words, which have been shared nearly 9,000 times on Facebook, and I wanted to share them with you here. The photo of Lewis’ daughter Ellie, in ultrasound and in living color as a smiling infant, TRULY drives her post home, but the words that accompany it are powerful as well. She says:
When you lose a baby in pregnancy, some people act as though you’ve only lost potential for a baby.
You had a near-miss, an almost-kid, a chance to have a baby, but no more.
But you … You know exactly what you lost:
You lost your daughter’s first smile.
The first time your son rolled over.
You lost the look on your sweet girl’s face when mommy soothed her tears.
You missed the way your son nestles at your breast.
You missed her first steps … And then every step after that of her running to your arms.
You missed your son burying his eager fists into his first birthday cake, then smearing chocolate frosting all over his cute little cheeks.
You missed the first day of preschool … Kindergarten … High school … College.
You missed every one of his T-ball games.
You missed her honor roll report card.
You missed his first crush.
You missed her daddy-daughter dance.
You missed the excitement on his face when his dad took him for his first drive.
You missed wedding dress shopping.
You missed watching your son become a dad.
You missed your first, second and last grandchild being born.
A whole generation, a whole lifetime of memories, gone … The instant your baby’s heart stopped beating.
People will tell you you were lucky you were early. But I know and you know … A baby in the womb is still a baby. They are the same person, no matter how developed they are or not.
So when you grieve, you not only grieve for the weeks you had your baby and then lost … You grieve for all the days and all the memories you’ll never get to have.
For all you mamas reading this longing for the babies you will never hold in your arms on this earth, my heart is with you. Your loss is IMMENSE—and your grief is warranted, your child’s life was precious, and I’m praying for you! Thank you, Rachel Lewis, for giving words to this pain so many mothers feel!
If you know a friend who needs to read this today, I hope you will share with them! <3