And you may be surprised when things come full circle. That spirited three-year-old will quickly turn fifteen and have her first high school dance. You just might be the one she asks for help with her hair. {Minus the 517 barrettes.}
5. Let PLAY reign supreme.
This may be the only thing I feel like I did “right” and do you know why? Because I was tired. I couldn’t be the voice of Tika the baby elephant and carry on exhausting conversations with Barbie Island Princess.
“Mom, will you help me build a Lego zoo?”
“No thanks, I have an important nap to take. Get your sister to help you or read the instructions.”
“Oh, you can’t read yet? Okay, just pretend you can.”
My kids learned early that their mom was a lazy mom when it came to play. This meant toys everywhere and lots of art supplies to clean up. But it also meant free-range kids who loved to play outside and build a city where Polly Pockets and plastic animals could live in harmony. In God’s ironic and gracious providence, my slacker mom status resulted in kids who had vivid imaginations and enjoyed copious amounts of playtime. It’s the one thing I wouldn’t do any differently and it was sort of accidental. Being a tired introverted mom has its perks.
6. Don’t over-schedule the little years.
I see parents of young kids shuttling preschool children to ballet and Chinese lessons and piano and soccer and I’m like, “Why?” One day they will be teenagers and you will spend so many hours each week in your minivan, the driver’s seat will have a permanent imprint of your behind. Your Toyota Sienna will feel like an RV because you live in it. Pace yourself, dear parent.
7. Hang out with older moms.
It doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with your mom friends and their littles at the park. But here’s the thing. You are all in the same stage of parenting. No offense but you have zero perspective. An older mom who you love and respect will be balm to your striving soul. She will remind you of what matters and what doesn’t. She will tell you it’s going to be okay, and she will redefine what “okay” actually means.
I have several older moms in my life, women whose kids are grown or nearly grown. Their grace and perspective is priceless. Plus they’re crazy about my children and just seeing how much they love them reminds me of how lovable my kids really are. We all need to see our kids through the eyes of those who love them fiercely but aren’t their parents. {Grandparents can be awesome for this.}
8. You are more than your kids. You are more than your motherhood.
Even with all our supposed advancement as women, I feel like moms today are more obsessed than ever with being a “good mom.” We are drinking from the Fountain of Mommy Guilt like it’s free margarita night and have therefore lost our minds.
{This is the part where I put on my bossy pants.} Listen up Young Mom. You are more than your kids. You are more than how your kids turn out. You are more than how many times you volunteer at the school. You are more than your work / family balancing skills. You are more than your kids’ success and you are more than your kids’ failure.
Motherhood is a full-time job and it has nothing to do with whether you work or stay at home, whether you homeschool or send your kids to school. In the words of Elizabeth Stone,
Making the decision to have a child — it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.
These hearts of ours walking around outside our bodies? It means that a mother can’t ever truly rest. Not really. When is a mother ever not on call? When is she not worried about one thing or another regarding her kids?
In the midst of this full-time role as mother and this full-throttle culture of Professional Motherhood, don’t forget who you are. Don’t define yourself by false standards or others’ standards. Don’t lock up your former self for the next eighteen years.
I believe your kids need a mom who has endeavors that make her come alive, who knows that she was made to live art. Maybe you’ve stopped cooking the fancy meals you once whipped up with joy and passion. Perhaps you’ve put away the writing journals or the paint and canvases. Maybe you’ve stopped singing or given up on reading books that aren’t from the juvenile section of the library.
Maybe you should start again.
Just because motherhood is infinitely sacrificial doesn’t mean you die in every other aspect of your life. As you tend to the bodies and souls and talents of the ones in your care, don’t forget to tend to the body and soul and talents of the one who cares for them. A better you means a better mom.
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This article originally appeared at MarianVischer.com, published with permission.
