I’ve been asked this question regarding a broken marriage so many times over the last couple of years, that my answers lately have seemed canned and monotonous. This week it’s as if God sucker-punched me when I received an email from a reader. I get many emails a week, and this one was different, yet just like the rest. Her desperation jumped right out of the screen. She was hopeless and in despair over her marriage. I could relate. I remembered. The writer was me, but it wasn’t me at all. The was her question:
WHAT STEPS DID YOU TAKE TO REPAIR YOUR BROKEN MARRIAGE?
It’s a loaded question and one that has a plethora of answers. The honest answer is this: there is no magic formula to repairing a broken marriage. I wish there was. I wish we could just snap our fingers and poof, things would be better.
Repairing and restoring a broken marriage is hard, that’s why we need God. Without Him, it’s almost impossible. Actually, I want to take the “almost” out. It’s impossible to restore a broken marriage without Him.
You can repair your marriage without Him. But a restored marriage? It’s impossible to have a restored marriage without God.
You need Him, my friend. Oh, how we need Him.
As I was talking to my husband this weekend, I thought I’d see what response he’d give. So I asked him:
How would you encourage others to fight for their broken marriage? When you were at your most desperate moment, how did you do it? How did you fight for us?
He focused his thoughts for a minute, looked over at me with a passion and eagerness and said this:
Focus on the person you’re fighting FOR, not the person your fighting WITH.
Well, there ya go. That.will.preach. WOW. As I say quite often, HOLLA! That’s powerful, friends.
You get what he’s saying, right? Let me explain from my perspective.
After my husband found out about my affair it was important that he focus on the person he married, not the person who I had become because of the affair. Sin had crept its way into my heart and turned me into someone I wasn’t. I’m so thankful for his wisdom and that he could see that. It was such an emotional time for us, but it was important that he take emotion out of it and see the truth of who the person was that he married.
As we continued our conversation, we listed 9 other ways to fight for your broken marriage.
1. CHOOSE YOUR WORDS WISELY.
You can’t take your words back. You can apologize, but they’ll always be there. I know this is hard. When others hurt us, we want to hurl emotion-filled words their way. It feels good, right? It’s only a temporary fix that leads to more pain. s
Proverbs 10:19 – Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut.
So, shut yo mouth, my friend. Shut it. Save those words for when you’re alone in your car, and then cuss and curse the devil…because that’s who your fighting against. We fight not against flesh and blood but the dark forces around us. This scripture isn’t only for that annoying co-worker that is trying to get your job, or that one friend who tries to one-up you at every turn. It’s as much or more for your spouse.