I Loved My Wife, But Not Enough to Stop Emailing the Other Woman

I loved her. But it was not enough.

She caught my attention the first time I saw her. We were in college. I was 21. She was 18.

She was cute and I wanted to meet her.

Little did I know that our story was already being written.

I remember our first interaction and I am embarrassed to say that it wasn’t my most “GQ” moment. As she was leaving the mail room, I was walking in. The stars had aligned and this was the moment that I had been waiting for.

This was my moment! I am finally going to say hello to her! I get one shot at a first impression so I muster all the confidence I can and say…”Hi Shonda!”

I said it in my most energetic, yet “I hope you think I’m cool,” kind of voice.

This would have been great if her name was Shonda. Her name was not Shonda. Her name was SHAYLA.

Shonda was her older sister who attended the same college. Shonda was the older sister whose shadow cast over Shayla from the moment she stepped on campus. Shayla was known as Shonda’s little sister.

She responds back with this. “I am Shayla.” Like most 21-year-old boys, I was not the brightest, but I realized by her tone that the first impression I was so concerned with just got ruined.

I had one shot and the one shot missed the target by 10 yards. The one shot missed the rim and the backboard all together. The one shot missed the green and ended up in the sand trap. The one shot was over. Or so I thought.

Our next interaction was at an intramural football game. Intramural sports at our college went like this: Testosterone filled boys got together to show off for the cute girls who came to watch. As we prepared to play a game of flag football in the wet grass and mud, I asked her (I said Shayla this time) to hold my hat. At the time, it was my favorite hat.

As I began to walk away with my chest puffed out because the cute girl was holding MY hat, she promptly dropped it in the mud.

I guess you could say that we were now even.

This is how our story began. Our first date was just a few short days later.

Andy Janning

I began to love her. But it wasn’t going to be enough.

Our love story included an engagement and a small yet beautiful wedding.

But I didn’t love her enough to not get drunk the night before and be hungover for our wedding.

I loved her.

But it was not enough, to put her before my friends.

It wasn’t enough, to put her before my extended family.

It wasn’t enough, to put her before my job.

I loved her.

But it was not enough, to answer the phone call when I was out of town and she was concerned if I was still at the bar—or even worse—dead on the side of the road.

It wasn’t enough, to not lie to her about already being in my hotel room when in reality I was still out drinking, and only went to a quiet corner to call home and say goodnight.

It wasn’t enough, to be at home in a warm bed rather than schedule yet another fishing trip to sleep in one that was cold.

I loved her.

But it was not enough, to not email the other woman, or not flirt with the girl at the bar.

It wasn’t enough, to stop the anger at night when I would come home from a day-long drinking binge at the Royals game, and she would ask who won and I couldn’t remember.

It wasn’t enough, to not drive drunk when she begged me to call her to come pick me up.

I loved her.

But it was not enough, to not begin the affair with the other woman.

It wasn’t enough, to not give my attention to the other woman when my wife was longing for attention from me.

It wasn’t enough, to not make late night calls to the other woman, when I should have been calling home to my wife, who was by herself, and missing the husband she married.

I loved her. But it was not enough.

However, she loved me.

Andy Janning

She loved me enough to continue to call on the late nights I wouldn’t answer.

It was enough to continue to care, when most women would have stopped long before.

She loved me.

It was enough to keep my side of the bed warm, even though she knew I wasn’t coming home anytime soon.

Bryan & Shayla Moffitt
Bryan & Shayla Moffitthttp://faithit.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=48343&action=edit
Bryan and Shayla Moffitt, of Anguished Hearts, are speakers, writers, parents to the two most adorable kids, and followers of Jesus. Shayla loves coffee and Bryan loves running marathons. They have been best friends for over 18 years and husband and wife for over 17 years. Follow them on Facebook.

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