Marry the One Who Will Call You “Fartface”

marry the one

A recent Facebook memory reminded of a funny event in my marriage that happened two years ago. It was a memory that I re-shared on my timeline, because, believe it or not, it involved Chipotle and insults and is kind of a defining moment in my marriage. And now, I want to share it with you.

One night when I was hangry, my husband ordered Chipotle for us and went to pick it up, which is not that unusual (neither my hangry-ness nor his solving it with take out were unusual, I mean Ha ha). BUT, when he got home with the food, I opened up that brown Chipotle bag in hangry anticipation of my veggie bowl, and…

I DIED laughing. Because this is what I saw:

marry the one

You see, when he was asked for a name for each entree, my husband had told them “Bobby” (his name) for his, and “Fartface” for mine.

FARTFACE. Yeah. I laughed soooo hard, because the reason he did that is that, well, we’d been calling each other “Fartface” for YEARS, after we saw a super-dumb-yet-hilarious Saturday Night Live sketch about…calling people Fartface. (I couldn’t find it on YouTube, so you’ll just have to believe me.) Fartface was a term of endearment, to us…of sorts. Mostly, it was just another way we had of making each other laugh. And I truly believe that though we’ve had a great marriage, we would not have made it through the good times OR the bad times without LAUGHTER.

My husband and I are just three days away from our 18th wedding anniversary. I know 18 years is good-but-not-epic, but still, I think it’s long enough to make me qualified to dole out some marriage advice here and there.

So, here it comes. My advice to all the young ladies out there making a list of all the qualities the man of their dreams must possess:

Marry the One who will call you “Fartface.”


Yeah, really!

Okay, okay, maybe I should say, Marry the One who will make you laugh. But not just someone with a great sense of humor or someone who can tell funny jokes. Marry someone who knows how to make YOU laugh, who GETS you, and who’s not afraid to make you laugh by laughing at himself (also, be able to laugh at your own self or you’re in deep doo-doo.)

My husband knows that “silly” is one of my love languages. Pretty much no one in his life would describe him as silly, but he learned “silly” for me. We have a secret love language of our own, consisting of funny movie and Saturday Night Live sketch quotes, and he always knows JUST what to say, or quote, to make me LOL when I am S-T-R-E-S-S-E-D.

Recently, he made me CRY tears of hysterical laughter on my 40th birthday when I came downstairs and he had shaved his beard. Although I love his beard, I am fond of telling him how much OLDER it makes him look (because it does!), so he SHAVED IT OFF on the morning of my birthday party, so that at MY birthday, everyone would be saying how young HE looks (he’s about 3 months younger than I am, SIGH.) He’s such a brat, but I loved it. I don’t know if I’ve ever laughed so hard in my life (I could NOT look at him for like a full hour without just howling with laughter.)

marry the one
The brat shaved his beard on my 40th birthday and came out looking 10 years younger!!

The man has a million wonderful qualities, really. He is handsome, smart, loving and hard-working. And I am SO thankful for all of that. But I wouldn’t trade the Fartface component of my marriage for the WORLD.

So ladies checking off your “Mr. Right” list – make sure you put whatever your “Fartface” is on there. And don’t marry the One who can’t cross it off.

And Honey,  HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! Thanks for being funny. Except for that one time you made me laugh so hard in Food Lion that I peed my pants a little. That wasn’t cool.

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Jenny Rapson
Jenny Rapson is a follower of Christ, a wife and mom of three from Ohio and a freelance writer and editor. You can find her at her blog, Mommin' It Up, or follow her on Twitter.