‘I Wanted an Out’ — How Taking Off My Wedding Ring Became a Mental Escape from My Marriage

Take my wedding ring off to shower — Daydream about various past boyfriends I had and what my life might look like had things turned out differently with one of them.

Take my wedding ring off to workout at the gym — Pretend God grants me the “out” by becoming a widow and think about how I would navigate dating with three young kids.

Take my wedding ring off to go to sleep at night — Dream about making love with someone other than my husband.

Did I ever cheat on my husband?
No, not technically…whatever that means.

But, had I been completely faithful, committed to the vows I made to him at the start of our now-sixteen-year marriage?

Infidelity begins not in a bed, but in a mind.

Four years ago, that all changed.

By God’s grace, I saw what I was doing, if only in my thought life.
In day dreaming about a potential out, I never allowed myself to be fully in.

I had to refuse to take it off–my ring and my commitment to my husband. I had to sit with the pain of it, letting it swell, sweat, chafe and even bleed. I had to trust I would come to the other side of pain and adjustment — the ring becoming one with my finger.

In a similar way, I had to refuse to entertain ways of escape from the hardships of my marriage.

I had to sit in the painful moments of becoming one, trusting that my full, unreserved commitment to my husband would not leave me injured and empty but rather healed and full.

Only after I gave myself unreservedly to the permanence of that ring did my skin indeed begin to adjust and eventually heal, creating a well in my finger in which that ring now sits comfortably.

Only after I gave myself unreservedly to the permanence of my marriage did I begin to see greater vulnerability from my husband, greater trust developing between the two of us, healing and progress in the process of becoming one.

Thank you, Melanie, for encouraging me, albeit it indirectly, to stop entertaining thoughts of escape and instead endure the pain of permanence in order to experience the joys of unreserved commitment.

By: Briana Almengor, For Every Mom Contributor

Staff Writer
Staff Writer
ForEveryMom staff contributed to this article.

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