He takes the kids on crazy, fun, “man time” outings. He feeds them candy and cake every once in a while, just for fun. He doesn’t hold back. They already have a father, it’s true. Mick has honored that, but also doesn’t let it get in the way of establishing and enjoying a unique relationship with them. It’s hard to be a kid in a blended family (my husband and I both came from one, so we have some understanding of what this is like for the boys). Mick has tried to make it as adventurous and fun as possible.
He Sacrifices For Them
…and they see it. The boys know he goes to work every day so that I can be the one to stay home with them. In fact, they sometimes ask if I will get a job so he can be the one to stay home with them (I try to be thankful they have such a great relationship with him, but really?). They see him stressing over the bills and working late and not buying things at Best Buy because he is paying for the what they need, and not what he wants. They will never know how much he has sacrificed for them, but they do know there is sacrifice.
His Love Matters So Much
Mick chose to be with these children. Unlike their biological parents, who just got what we got, he knew these kids and chose to be a part of their lives anyway.
He tells them that, all the time.
He tells them he loves them, all the time.
They need to hear it. They love hearing it. If they don’t respond, he just says it some more. (If nothing else, he knows at least his wife will swoon.)
Mick has purposed to call the boys “his sons”. He refers to them as “our boys”. In fact, it sounds foreign to us when anyone refers to the boys as solely mine, or as his “stepsons”. It isn’t even part of our vocabulary. This ownership, for lack of a better word, has communicated so much love and acceptance to two little boys who need it, desperately.
But the truth is, being the step-dad on Father’s Day can be uncomfortable and strange.
The first year was the worst. It was difficult for Mick to know how to handle Fathers Day. He did not want to step on the boys’ dad’s toes, and he felt weird even bringing it up with me or the boys.
Turns out they figured it out for us. They came home from an art class with personalized Fathers Day gifts for Mick. It didn’t occur to them not to celebrate Mick, as well as their dad.
It was sweet, and appropriate – just like we hoped it would be.
And so, as our family celebrates this Fathers Day together, I want to again publicly thank this man for rescuing us, for loving us, for taking care of us, for making us laugh, and for leading us in this never a dull moment, over the top, amazing life.
And, I want to recognize any man out there who has taken on kids like mine. Children who needed to be seen, to be known, and to be loved just as they are and no matter what the diagnosis.
You are a gift to us.
You are a gift to our kids.
Keep fighting for us.
Keep fighting for our kids.
You matter more than you will ever possibly know.
Happy Father’s Day.
